tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73842603202992191782024-03-05T06:46:07.576-05:00Night Of The Living NerdCelebrating Comic Sci-Fi & Horror Media With A Healthy Dose Of Self Loathing And Nerd RageVincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-73702333520272447092009-12-04T10:12:00.009-05:002009-12-04T10:26:53.124-05:00Twilight: New Moon<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirLAFvy7ZARWGwATpz6hP0poYkNH15tqnZUjgJsD2Ul0wDwIRb2seJiAPLV60CQG0maCSvJOqkN_51pgbY5Jz9O7Z6bmBG_jL73akPR8llM4SAKgGykychEqDb13xoLvAX8oMHdshUd1rD/s1600-h/ZombieSpideyHalf.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 95px; height: 142px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirLAFvy7ZARWGwATpz6hP0poYkNH15tqnZUjgJsD2Ul0wDwIRb2seJiAPLV60CQG0maCSvJOqkN_51pgbY5Jz9O7Z6bmBG_jL73akPR8llM4SAKgGykychEqDb13xoLvAX8oMHdshUd1rD/s320/ZombieSpideyHalf.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411402737474958082" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaocCiUyYspjQzFstXU4vdJ6-I6M05-nNUOtMVdJrbyiRfErg54ULCkYQxmGBFFoxPWLvwOfJU1KgXogzpjU3LqTitGQpuw8B8Iyss_DYCGVrajws0CP87kiWX4pUrfgS4jyU8e3aTu08D/s1600-h/new-moon-poster2-692x1024.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 216px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaocCiUyYspjQzFstXU4vdJ6-I6M05-nNUOtMVdJrbyiRfErg54ULCkYQxmGBFFoxPWLvwOfJU1KgXogzpjU3LqTitGQpuw8B8Iyss_DYCGVrajws0CP87kiWX4pUrfgS4jyU8e3aTu08D/s320/new-moon-poster2-692x1024.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411400746798748082" border="0" /></a><br />Someone once told me that the entire thing with <span style="font-weight: bold;">Twilight</span> wasn’t about drooling over the characters of <span style="font-style: italic;">Edward Cullen</span> and <span style="font-style: italic;">Jacob Black</span>.<br />After seeing <span style="font-weight: bold;">Twilight</span>, and now for this review, <span style="font-weight: bold;">New Moon</span> I can agree with that.<br />Apparently the other half of this entire thing with Twilight is about what a complete idiot <span style="font-style: italic;">Bella Swan</span> must be.<br />An obsessive, depressive, mentally and emotionally unstable idiot.<br />I’ve known people in their teen years who’ve taken a break up pretty badly.<br />Bella is a different story, as you’ll soon discover, as spoilers will abound here and there throughout this review.<br />As a matter of fact, I haven’t been this dumbstruck by a character’s stupidity since <span style="font-weight: bold;">Sta</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">r Wars: Attack Of The Clones</span>, and <span style="font-weight: bold;">Revenge Of The Sith</span>.<br />But I’m getting ahead of myself.<br />The film opens to what can only be a dream sequence, featuring Edward already sparkling away in all his albino-James Dean glory.<br />This dream will prove to be somewhat prophetic later in the film.<br />This is assuming of course that you get that far without throwing up.<br />Anyway, it’s Bella’s birthday, and she gets a digital camera from her lethargic father and a photo album from her unseen mother, for her to capture her senior year in all its mundane wonder.<br />She of course snaps a pic of her “friends”, or as I like to think of them, rent-a-characters; since all they seem to do in these films so far is to stand around, blurt out insipid dialogue, and do nothing.<br />I actually find myself rubbing my temples as I type this.<br />No, really.<br />Of course, what should I expect; they’re really just there to show how “wonderful” and “special” Bella’s supposed to be.<br />As if.<br />And really, if she was so wonderful and special, she wouldn’t treat people she considers friends as such throw-aways.<br />On with the story, such as it is; Bella also happens to be nagging the love of her life Edward to just go ahead and “change her” as she put it.<br />Unfortunately for Bella, Edward feels by being a vampire he is damned, and of course doesn’t want such a fate to befall his beloved human girlfriend.<br />To add to Bella’s distress, it turns out Edward and his “family” have to skip town; leaving Bella in a broken-hearted depression for approximately three months.<br />We know this, due to a wonderful pan around shot of Bella as she sits and broods, accompanied by the words “October”, “November” etc. flashed upon the screen as the camera pans around her.<br />This of course is to give the impression of time passing as Bella broods and sulks, but really just kinda gives the impression that the cameraman is being chased by a badger.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG3tLNBHfH-oigVngGj_VGdeI9rUwt_1557bEA0zEjHZWQcBbjuoFOZohyphenhyphenZ54dfpZt3ouIWCp7za8yjIZoThkH2dZHrvDoVLb0tqPzW1ylO4UDcQG4rZb4dCfNLuCX95dOGnVQ_QMAIucW/s1600-h/new-moon1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 260px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG3tLNBHfH-oigVngGj_VGdeI9rUwt_1557bEA0zEjHZWQcBbjuoFOZohyphenhyphenZ54dfpZt3ouIWCp7za8yjIZoThkH2dZHrvDoVLb0tqPzW1ylO4UDcQG4rZb4dCfNLuCX95dOGnVQ_QMAIucW/s320/new-moon1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411400903862681394" border="0" /></a><br />While Edward-less, Bella also takes on more reckless and adrenalin-junkie type behaviour, all the while seeing visions of her dear Edward.<br />Medication might be a good idea around this time.<br />She begins to start spending time with her friend Jacob, hanging with him as they restore a dirt bike to feed her adrenaline needs; the pair of course become closer, and Jacob wishes to cultivate a romantic relationship with her, but she hesitates, practically admitting to using him as an emotional crutch while she still pines for Edward.<br />And again, I rub my temples, and then my eyes.<br />Oh, but the plot thickens; turns out Jacob also has a special secret to hide, which comes as a surprise to no one, I would think.<br />Since the title of the film pretty much gives it away, I’ll assume you gentle readers could guess what his little secret is, yes?<br />Ok, he’s a werewolf.<br />And not just any werewolf; he’s the big, blatantly CGI’ed werewolf that also is a part of a pack of werewolves.<br />And of course, all have their shirts off through pretty much the rest of the film, to show off their buff physiques.<br />Well, except one; who actually seems kinda scrawny; I expected him to turn into a cute puppy instead of a werewolf, really.<br />And when I say “blatantly CGI’ed” I mean that I couldn’t suspend disbelief for one second when I first laid eyes on these giggle-inducing lycans.<br />See, they look like regular wolves, but bigger.<br />Like, size of a bear bigger.<br />Never mind that I’ve seen better computer-generated characters on the X-Box, not even the animation of the wolves was convincing; as if the animators couldn’t be bothered to study how wolves might actually move, or run; instead just opting to guess at it.<br />I’d mention the pointless little sub-plot of the remaining “bad” vampires from the first film still wanting a piece of Bella, but it really seems to go nowhere; it just gives the werewolves in the film something to do.<br />All of this broodin<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOmoSJDgbKUyyCFv80jZdbaS2OqXgcQ6K1iUAVyB1CHHnn9x6wHieghWFgvIAewrOkRKcAn1CvI0pe58gEcyJPjURLpphwZ80V_1u8GR1Fr0PFFjMeTB7YfQuiEZDZm1oUMH3xLWQ4aDUA/s1600-h/new_moon_2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 270px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOmoSJDgbKUyyCFv80jZdbaS2OqXgcQ6K1iUAVyB1CHHnn9x6wHieghWFgvIAewrOkRKcAn1CvI0pe58gEcyJPjURLpphwZ80V_1u8GR1Fr0PFFjMeTB7YfQuiEZDZm1oUMH3xLWQ4aDUA/s320/new_moon_2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411401125336045618" border="0" /></a>g, and hallucinating on Bella’s part results in her doing the only thing she feels she can do…..jump off a cliff.<br />Wait, what?<br />This does however offer the one truly comedic moment in the film for me, the moment she surfaces in the water she plunged her scrawny little arse into, and all seems well, we’re treated to her eyes going wide as the tide comes in and knocks her back underwater.<br />Seriously, I was laughing like Nelson from The Simpsons.<br />Sadly though, she is rescued by Jacob, who of course berates her blatant stupidity as I had through much of the film.<br />Also at this point, I find myself asking “Is this going anywhere?”<br />The plot responds by bringing one of the Cullen’s, Alice back into the scene, who had a vision of Bella dying from her dive off of the cliff.<br />Oh, if only.<br />She informs the wet and shivering heroine that Edward, believing Bella dead, is causing quite a stir in Italy with the vampire royalty The Volturi, resulting in him deciding to reveal himself to the humans, so as to be killed for this crime.<br />Y’know, cause he can’t exist in a world where Bella is dead.<br />Rubbing my temples again.<br />Despite Jacob’s plea for Bella to remain, both she and Alice take off for Italy to save<br />Edward from his own blatant stupidity.<br />I get the impression this is supposed to mirror the classic Romeo & Juliet scenario, but the ending of this is so predictable, I didn’t even arch an eyebrow at the outcome.<br />And of course, this is where Bella’s prophetic dream from the beginning of the film comes into play.<br />Like it really matters now; like I’m going to be watching this dreck and say “Oooohhh! I get it! That’s deep!”<br />No, instead I’m both rubbing my temples again, and rolling my eyes.<br />Bella of course stops Edward at just the last second, and they all go to have audience with the Volturi; whose pancake white make-up is so bloody obvious, I’m rolling my eyes again.<br />Although, this scene does have one redeeming feature that saved this entire film from receiving a no Zombie-Spidey rating; namely we get to see some vampire fight action, which is actually pretty decent, if not at least mildly entertaining.<br />Unfortunately, after suffering almost two hours of mind-numbing whiney broody B<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghSGpMYeo6YJDTOYQbCTnWN6PJ4YuKUTxDILH4zUgbNr_akyudVuVAPs3c-Oy8OYFsYNLOonrC9v8MGN_nVVAMbC03wfrMRs181oGUfJEoPrvBmaa_Tp3_xfqRxQJ56RVtWMSa7-rFu2kk/s1600-h/new-moon-wolf-pack.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 310px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghSGpMYeo6YJDTOYQbCTnWN6PJ4YuKUTxDILH4zUgbNr_akyudVuVAPs3c-Oy8OYFsYNLOonrC9v8MGN_nVVAMbC03wfrMRs181oGUfJEoPrvBmaa_Tp3_xfqRxQJ56RVtWMSa7-rFu2kk/s320/new-moon-wolf-pack.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411401376772023186" border="0" /></a>ella, it certainly isn’t much of a pay off.<br />Also making her vampire debut in this scene is Dakota Fanning (War Of The Worlds) as a member of the Volturi, Jane.<br />She really doesn’t have much to do, aside from showing off her mental powers and eyeliner.<br />In the end, the Cullens of course return, and take a democratic vote on whether to change Bella; which results in a near unanimous decision in favour.<br />Of course Edward’s return doesn’t sit well with Jacob, to which Bella tells him that she will of course always choose Edward.<br />But Edward has one condition if he is the one to change her; he asks her hand in marriage.<br />The End.<br />Wait….what?!<br />One can assume that this story was meant to strengthen the bond between Bella and Edward, and set up a rivalry between him and Jacob.<br />The problem is, it bases this all on the idea that Bella is worth it.<br />She isn’t.<br />As a story thus far, all Twilight seems to accomplish is a sterilization of the vampire genre; which is sad.<br />I love vampires, I love vampire movies.<br />I love werewolves, I love werewolf movies.<br />This is neither; it’s merely a weak backdrop to showcase Stephenie Meyer’s mary sue purple-prose writing and characters.<br />A self-indulgent fantasy that many other vampire fan fictions do with more talent and class than Meyer has in her pinky finger.<br />As a main protagonist, Bella is weak, whiny, and pathetic.<br />In the first book, which I had the misfortune of reading, since I figured I couldn’t bash until I read it for myself, Bella is considered by the writer a “special snowflake”.<br />Flake, yes; special…..not even close.<br />The characters as a whole in these stories thus far come across as flat, and dull; unable to incite even the faintest spark of emotion from the viewer, save perhaps disgust.<br />I came across a <a href="http://kar3ning.livejournal.com/545639.html">livejournal</a> that pointed out other things wrong far better than I could, as quoted below:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">According to the National Domestic Violence hotline, these are some signs that you ma</span><span style="font-style: italic;">y be in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship.<br /><br />Does your partner:<br />* Look at you or act in ways that scare you?<br />Check.<br /><br />* Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?<br />"Stay away from the werewolves. I love you."<br /><br />* Make all of the decisions?<br />Check.<br /><br />* Act like the abuse is no big deal, i</span><span style="font-style: italic;">t’s your fault, or even deny doing it?<br />"If I wasn't so attracted to you, I wouldn't have to break up with you."<br /><br />* Threaten to commit suicide?<br />"I just can't live without you. In fact, I'll run to Italy and try suicide by vampire if anything happens to you."<br /><br />* Threaten to kill you?<br />On their first date.<br /><br />These are some more signs of an abusive relationship.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Has your partner...<br />* Tried to isolate you from family or friends.<br />Bella doesn't have time for anyone else!<br /><br />* Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).<br />Check.<br /><br />* Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.<br />Does tossing her through a glass table count?<br /><br />* Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.<br />"We're breaking up. And I'm leaving you in the forest."<br /><br />* Scared you by driving recklessly.<br />Check.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />* Forced you to leave your home.<br />She had to run away with him to flee from the other vampires in the first movie, and she had to drop everything and run to Italy in the second.<br /><br />* Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.<br />Check. Even in the hospital, nothing is a big deal.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">* Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.<br />Well, they are Mormon... (I know, I know, cheap shot.)<br /><br />* Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.<br />Check, wolf-boy.<br /><br />Now I'm pissed. According to the NDVH, "If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship." This list is <span style="font-weight: bold;">fifteen</span>.<br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfaMWIrhfnSi7C-Q4kUW7hxT0U7AHMzAdRc7Y0gmm05WqImYGLjHff4SoCH_hrA6kwlYqcZII1IdDMlVyGVP_XlmjKnV-W1moLlCx9qHkB8aU4Z21RgDnA0hNMdLJE8mKc6OPIKebbk7lO/s1600-h/new-moon-3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 290px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfaMWIrhfnSi7C-Q4kUW7hxT0U7AHMzAdRc7Y0gmm05WqImYGLjHff4SoCH_hrA6kwlYqcZII1IdDMlVyGVP_XlmjKnV-W1moLlCx9qHkB8aU4Z21RgDnA0hNMdLJE8mKc6OPIKebbk7lO/s320/new-moon-3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411401680118643026" border="0" /></a><br />Holy. Hell.<br />What really disturbs me is the fact that Bella may be considered a role model for young teen girls.<br />Y’know….I like Transformers; stay with me on this, it’s going somewhere.<br />But I thought the last film was pretty stupid.<br />Big, dumb, loud, ridiculous, stupid.<br />But I have to admit…I was certainly entertained.<br />But I certainly wouldn’t pay to see the next film if it’s going to do the same thing.<br />Now, from what I’ve seen, the Twilight series just continues to get dumber.<br />But you know what?<br />It’s still going to make loads of cash with each installment, the next of which is actually due early next year.<br />The next Transformers film?<br />It may not.<br />So really, the Twilight series is pretty much critic-proof.<br />No amount of pissing and moaning on our end will change that.<br />I’ll probably endure some Twi-hards out there who’ll tell me “you just don’t get it” or those rare psychotic few who have actually made death threats to those who disagree with the “vision” of their beloved Stephenie Meyer.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4-Qdy2GAyZPbwimoCg2t4P_0OAoIsRuCRPYtRDqm66tAh3c5zik3uSeq27T9fU7-6pDtyrMEPuDsUrzU_3Wz9pE5NshDRfh1BhX9BHpyw2L_SH1OjsemQ5Iv3btGTTd4Y0wFkU_aaT6Li/s1600-h/new-moon-4.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 270px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4-Qdy2GAyZPbwimoCg2t4P_0OAoIsRuCRPYtRDqm66tAh3c5zik3uSeq27T9fU7-6pDtyrMEPuDsUrzU_3Wz9pE5NshDRfh1BhX9BHpyw2L_SH1OjsemQ5Iv3btGTTd4Y0wFkU_aaT6Li/s320/new-moon-4.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411402187282117538" border="0" /></a><br />Screw that noise.<br />As I’ve said earlier, the next installment is due early next year, I believe.<br />The studio seems to be rushing these out, while the popularity lasts, or until the audience realizes that perhaps it is indeed crap.<br />Because this certainly isn’t a vampire film, nor is it a werewolf film.<br />And no, it’s not a romance film either.<br />It’s nothing more than a self-indulgent mess that the author shouldn’t even dare to call literature, or that the director and producers should dare call filmmaking, either.Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-7021089038424700962009-11-24T11:58:00.002-05:002009-11-24T12:06:22.324-05:00The Crow Reboot; An Update<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://inthenameofmovies.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/brandon-lee-the-crow-dishwasher.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 219px; height: 271px;" src="http://inthenameofmovies.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/brandon-lee-the-crow-dishwasher.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Both<a href="http://io9.com/5410643/the-crow-relaunch-moves-forward-with-casting"> io9 </a>and <a href="http://www.superherohype.com/news.php?id=8864">Superherohype!</a> are providing info on the possible upcoming Crow reboot:<br /><br /><blockquote>Ryan Kavanaugh, the producer behind the upcoming Brothers, is currently overseeing the development of Stephen Norrington's franchise reboot of The Crow.<br /><br />He tells io9 that Norrington's script is now in the tweaking stage and that everyone should know it is not a direct remake of the Brandon Lee-starring film. "We're just relaunching it and making it with a much more present day character, someone more relatable to everybody."<br /><br />The makeup will very much be different from the Crow visage we've come to know (and which has become a year-to-year Halloween costume favorite). Also, as far as casting goes, "It will be an actor you've heard of, yes. We're not ruling anything out. We're looking at both, with the very well known and the 'very talented but they may not be quite there yet.'"<br /><br />The Crow isn't even a greenlit film yet, but it's sounding like it will be in a matter of months.</blockquote>What do I think?<br />Personally, I'm terrified of this; unless this is going to really try to be it's own thing, perhaps trying to create a more direct adaption of James O'Barr's original story, which I'd be fine with I suppose.Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-33694792277850265452009-11-23T09:20:00.008-05:002009-11-23T09:31:01.959-05:00B-Movie Monday: Captain America (1990)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2p-MRMSzp5Djyc-XOQSSASFrU9nw_cCJyicCZrlTUdCfDzs8VPxhshFz1Tv1X_d1nsSsRncfCHOS21W0DrKeGKcyirovNnWY3noCyT24z42O679phRoqDa3BPfLVlgeR7ZW3FOoRYK_Ba/s1600/ZombieSpidey01.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 95px; height: 142px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2p-MRMSzp5Djyc-XOQSSASFrU9nw_cCJyicCZrlTUdCfDzs8VPxhshFz1Tv1X_d1nsSsRncfCHOS21W0DrKeGKcyirovNnWY3noCyT24z42O679phRoqDa3BPfLVlgeR7ZW3FOoRYK_Ba/s320/ZombieSpidey01.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5407304320729200226" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIu9zWr5GaM4fYPsW2gv5oyGUlmiYRlIYDGxdlbaN-JIaMt_oRHgKgojonvFStKVI17Wnxpkg8O5-11hnNyDEhBHd612aBvw6qZyMCnwkKozlLO2zO6xDpkXBfLd1UIzRcrpWz0vDnYODv/s1600/Captain_america.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 205px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIu9zWr5GaM4fYPsW2gv5oyGUlmiYRlIYDGxdlbaN-JIaMt_oRHgKgojonvFStKVI17Wnxpkg8O5-11hnNyDEhBHd612aBvw6qZyMCnwkKozlLO2zO6xDpkXBfLd1UIzRcrpWz0vDnYODv/s320/Captain_america.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5407304479614268050" border="0" /></a><br />You know, I’m not even American; but if I was, this film would no doubt piss me off even more.<br />I like Captain America; I really do.<br />I like that he stands for ideals that in these times have seemed more like catch phrases, especially during America’s last administration.<br />This Captain America doesn’t stand for squat; to paraphrase, I’ve met Captain America, and you sir, are no Captain America.<br />This film was produced on a low budget by the 21st Film Corporation, and completed filming in 1990.<br />After test marketing to preview audiences, more stunts were added…..like that really would have helped.<br />The film of course takes a few liberties with the source material; The Red Skull is now Italian, which makes no sense to me what so ever; there’s no Bucky, not even a mention; And Cap’s only mission is to stop The Red Skull, for which he fails at quite miserably.<br />Perhaps it’s the fact that this Cap didn’t even go through any formal training.<br />They just juiced him up, gave him a costume and giant Frisbee, and said “Sic em’!”<br />Granted, Cap is created during World War II, and The Red Skull is indeed a Nazi, albeit an Italian one.<br />The film’s opening credits are actually rather quiet; except of course for the film’s title logo, which looks just kind of funny set against 1936 fascist Italy, what with it being all toony, and the red white and blue striped letters.<br />We hear a piano interlude during the opening credits, which are traced to a family listening to a young boy in their home playing the plodding musical piece.<br />That is of course, until a group of Nazis break in; they burst through the front door, s<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrcxjMlGnhDBPj52PcpzJ9sz1Jn8xUZurJr7LZ8Pb4DiUAmv1lkpNeOaDROEmLi5H9IU1Auzmb_raDkOy5v5C8SxgQ9tStUIRGGKFjLXybIVewUn5r7pioFQaD0YneGLVm9qkZpTRIAKTQ/s1600/Cap_1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 270px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrcxjMlGnhDBPj52PcpzJ9sz1Jn8xUZurJr7LZ8Pb4DiUAmv1lkpNeOaDROEmLi5H9IU1Auzmb_raDkOy5v5C8SxgQ9tStUIRGGKFjLXybIVewUn5r7pioFQaD0YneGLVm9qkZpTRIAKTQ/s320/Cap_1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5407304702505486210" border="0" /></a>ave for one, who apparently has difficulty following orders, and breaks through a teeny tiny window right next to the front door that everyone else uses.<br />At that point, I actually expected the head Nazi to turn to the direction-challenged officer, and bellow out “Shultz!!” ala’ Hogan’s Heroes.<br />They take the piano prodigy of a boy for his “superior intelligence”………wait….he’s superior because he plays piano pretty well?<br />Wow, just imagine how superior he’d be if he played the spoons as well.<br />They gun down the rest of his family, while forcing the boy to watch…..uh-huh.<br />So apparently the boy is needed for an experimental super-soldier project; for which the creator, Dr. Vasseli has second thoughts as the boy is strapped down into the machine, and bolts out the nearest window.<br />She escapes and defects to America of course, where she hooks up with the American government to help them create their own super soldier, to make up for her past sins.<br />Makes perfect sense really; help create a fascist super soldier, and to make up for that, create an American super soldier….right.<br />That American super soldier to be is the polio-stricken Steve Rogers, who bids his true love Bernice farewell with all the passion of a grapefruit.<br />He’s then transported by American agents, accompanied by Dr. Vasseli to a “top-secret” lab that happens to be under a diner in California…….wait, what?<br />Wouldn’t such a facility be buried deep within a government base, or something?<br />Not even Area 51?<br />Why a diner?<br />During the process however, a Nazi secret agent reveals himself, and shoots the good doctor, prompting Steve to bolt out of the machine’s chair, take a few gunshots, and kill the Nazi.<br />This puts Mr. Perhaps-I-Should-Try-Dodging-bullets-Rogers in the hospital until his first mission, which is to stop the Nazis from launching a rocket straight at the White House.<br />Apparently th<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRzAhH3wtwB73LH61wJbScTwRGvafq6ygcxPYy_NNp7CKJCbmlI1-1BfTcRL7Hk-U235LXGS3a7FU1Cyk_grBWQtM8zVqZL3T1j64RoApYl8P_UowmIIj1BmeOjVsaFgsYH1tXzXwcFUuO/s1600/Cap_2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 270px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRzAhH3wtwB73LH61wJbScTwRGvafq6ygcxPYy_NNp7CKJCbmlI1-1BfTcRL7Hk-U235LXGS3a7FU1Cyk_grBWQtM8zVqZL3T1j64RoApYl8P_UowmIIj1BmeOjVsaFgsYH1tXzXwcFUuO/s320/Cap_2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5407305032128116962" border="0" /></a>e American government during WWII wasn’t as bright as we’d thought; taking a newly created super soldier, not training him, pulling him out of the hospital after multiple gunshots, and dropping him in a Nazi-infested stronghold armed with nothing but an American-themed shield.<br />Granted, the costume is fire-proof….but not bullet proof.<br />Perhaps that’s why this Cap is given a shield; he’s too stupid to take cover when shot at.<br />And as to the costume and shield; I have to admit; he looks like Captain America.<br />That’s one thing the production got right…..mostly.<br />For some daft reason, the areas of Cap’s hood where his ears are supposed to protrude are replaced with fake rubber ears that are part of the hood.<br />I’ll repeat that, because it bears repeating; rubber……ears.<br />You can even catch a glimpse of the hole cut into them so the actor can hear.<br />Also, both the costume and shield were created by the now late Dr. Vasseli, so any details about them, or the super soldier process are now lost.<br />Wait, she kept everything in her head?<br />Everything?<br />She didn’t write anything down?<br />Anything?<br />Not even a doodle?<br />Anyway, Cap fights his way into the stronghold through poorly edited action, where he comes face to face with the young Italian boy who has now grown into The Red Skull; so named because the early version of the super soldier (sick of hearing that? So am I.) project left the subject with horribly mutated crimson red skin….oh, and no ears.<br />Huh.<br />Well, that’s ok; Cap has an extra rubber pair he can lend him.<br />Well, Skull hands Cap his star-spangled bum, and promptly straps him to the rocket aimed at the White House.<br />Cap, in a last ditch effort, beckons Skull closer to tell him something, then grabs Skull’s hand……..what’s dumber; the fact that this is all Cap could think of, or that Skull was dumb enough to actually fall for it?<br />What’s dumber still is that in order to free himself before the rocket launches, Skull pulls out a knife, and with one stroke, lops off his own hand.<br />He doesn’t stab Cap, or something reasonably intelligent, or something even Paris Hilton would think of, no…….he lops off his own hand.<br />Superior intelligence my ass.<br />As the rocket takes flight, we cut to a young Thomas Kimball who’s just sooooo excited to be living in the nation’s capital, sneaks out late at night to snap some pics of the White House, and inadvertently catches sight of the Captain America-equipped rocket descending quickly toward its destination.<br />And of course, to add dramatic tension, only now does Cap think to kick the one fin of the rocket to knock it off course….he couldn’t think of this while still over Europe, nope….he <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinyjpP8oGS3FlXl31t44Cp55Ji-EEC3cAJq3kZkuOEngQ8v3uoTFDY1Gs3N-2sgIyayUuqloy6845pTLjnaWzAQCGjj0yeXklcAP8gagE3lWfDdbyEvOrV0MMZM-Z9jn6KlJ8NGaB1pcKs/s1600/Cap_3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 270px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinyjpP8oGS3FlXl31t44Cp55Ji-EEC3cAJq3kZkuOEngQ8v3uoTFDY1Gs3N-2sgIyayUuqloy6845pTLjnaWzAQCGjj0yeXklcAP8gagE3lWfDdbyEvOrV0MMZM-Z9jn6KlJ8NGaB1pcKs/s320/Cap_3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5407305379537717826" border="0" /></a>waited til’ the last second.<br />Little Thomas Kimball (who vows to one day be President of the United States….of course.) promises to himself to never forget the mystery man he saw….*sigh*<br />Cap meanwhile, lands somewhere in Alaska….wow, that rocket certainly had more than enough fuel, didn’t it?<br />The rocket and Cap are buried in the ice, frozen as time passes by, which of course is indicated through a montage of newspapers and music, detailing Thomas Kimball’s (Ronny Cox) rise through the government, to the present where his now of course, President of the United States.<br />Raise your hand if you saw that coming.<br />In 1993, a year into his first term, he’s pushing for pro-environmentalist legislation that angers the military-industrial complex, which holds secret conference in Italy (of course) led by….The Red Skull.<br />The Red Skull, now after going through numerous plastic surgeries, looks more like a Dracula knock-off in an Armani suit than a Nazi terrorist.<br />Also, he employs for his dirty work his Euro-stereotype-model-daughter and her equally Euro-stereotype-buddies as enforcers, who are mostly Euro-stereo-type-leggy-model-types.<br />You know the kind?<br />It turns out that Skull’s been doing assassinations for the military-industrial complex since the 60’s, including John F. Kennedy.<br />Meanwhile, Cap is discovered by…get this; a German research team in Alaska.<br />German, right?<br />Because it’s ironically funny, right?!<br />Bah.<br />Cap abruptly breaks free of the ice they now have in their tent, and stupidly runs off, without so much as asking a simple and sensible “What happened?”<br />He makes it to Northern Canada, where Red Skull’s Euro-models attempt to take him down while on motor-bikes, but through sheer luck and little to no action, he makes his getaway in a car with Thomas Kimball’s childhood friend, Sam Kolawetz (Ned Beatty!)<br />Who’s a bit of a conspiracy nut, and also happens to work for the government.<br />Cap, not believing any of what Sam tells him, and noticing the German make of the car (funny irony again! Hilarious!) asks Sam to pull over, because he feels he’s going to be sick.<br />That’s right folks; so far Cap’s brilliant strategy has been all about betting the other guy is really stupid, then faking him out.<br />Needless to say, once Cap’s out of the car, Sam wanders over to see if he’s ok, and Cap promptly takes off in Sam’s car.<br />Next thing you know, he’ll tell The Red Skull his shoelace is untied.<br />Cap steals some clothes shortly after, and hikes his way like a hobo to California.<br />Everything from th<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAzNAOLJOofm6qfqj8gT6ROf6ZxqZ359VPnwGJzDkD6qkthpwoSSg_6e5D6yUQOGXO5z3Tm5T4086PX4GWma3Ehx_SV3l0l0pzvCuV_H1d2kj8zZOk6oc5UOkespUipYFCncQNEHFX-ZYW/s1600/Cap_4.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 270px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAzNAOLJOofm6qfqj8gT6ROf6ZxqZ359VPnwGJzDkD6qkthpwoSSg_6e5D6yUQOGXO5z3Tm5T4086PX4GWma3Ehx_SV3l0l0pzvCuV_H1d2kj8zZOk6oc5UOkespUipYFCncQNEHFX-ZYW/s320/Cap_4.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5407305833485930898" border="0" /></a>ere, if you can believe it, goes down hill.<br />Cap doesn’t even wear the costume again until the climax of the film.<br />Not only that, but as his plucky sidekick, he gets stuck with Bernice’s daughter, Sharon.<br />Who grates on the nerves to the point of homicidal urges.<br />Hell, he even pulls the same “I’m going to be sick” car trick on her!<br />That’s right; Cap pulls that trick twice in one film; because the writer is actually that unimaginative.<br />The rest of the film is spent bouncing around Italy searching for The Red Skull and the now kidnapped President Kimball, all while evading the Euro-model henchman.<br />Not once is Steve Rogers Captain America through that entire period of the film.<br />Instead, he’s dressed more like a tourist on vacation.<br />Undercover, I get….but really; this is a Captain America movie, dammit.<br />And seeing the star-spangled avenger only twice in the space of 97 minutes is a rip-off.<br />Cap was portrayed by Matt Salinger, who acts as if he’s reading his lines from cue-cards.<br />The irony is, he’s gone on to appear in episodes of 24, Law & Order: SVU, and numerous stage productions, for which he both acted and directed.<br />You’d never guess it, watching this film.<br />The sequences in this film actually featuring Captain America, although goofy, are kinda neat.<br />It’s that horrible, horrible in space in between the first scenes and the climax that tears the entire thing down into a mess of poorly edited poop.<br />Stan Lee was one of the executive producers on this film; leaving me to think that after the success of Tim Burton’s Batman, Marvel was perhaps a little too eager to get one of their flagship character’s onto the big screen….and believe me, it shows.<br />These days, now that Marvel is calling the shots on their films, lets hope the new Captain America film, which is set to debut in the summer of 2011 not only makes up for the horrid mistakes of this one, but gives the character and American icon the respect he deserves.Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-26948989184300038912009-11-19T11:47:00.005-05:002009-11-19T11:53:38.566-05:00Random Movie Review: Hercules (1983)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl08ApVQ3fyCKhJMebl4tI4boc7Nq_SK3B2LLjJwdqTiaMPkEpSA9jlZDHSQcm4zcKDriu3bmp5oIoTpDyd7_sPr8goilmZEJE-0hMmqP7pJ5WR_Yxo7s9W0cbNgyvVMvHjOHOBzUf8FH0/s1600/ZombieSpidey03.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl08ApVQ3fyCKhJMebl4tI4boc7Nq_SK3B2LLjJwdqTiaMPkEpSA9jlZDHSQcm4zcKDriu3bmp5oIoTpDyd7_sPr8goilmZEJE-0hMmqP7pJ5WR_Yxo7s9W0cbNgyvVMvHjOHOBzUf8FH0/s320/ZombieSpidey03.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5405857845835536290" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc6deDs5g0NXENyt7Ec3cNZgL6KsNllZKm-VwcnJ6zLiZv4Hsg_rvsuafSP8nsRLxiK9aULLI6UIxAFZ_7e4JdmlR3WMGyr0r-HFVB8c1SqnEB-3jWwJV-A6Zonq1KSkjEuqCAW3yvITQw/s1600/herculesrolledos.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc6deDs5g0NXENyt7Ec3cNZgL6KsNllZKm-VwcnJ6zLiZv4Hsg_rvsuafSP8nsRLxiK9aULLI6UIxAFZ_7e4JdmlR3WMGyr0r-HFVB8c1SqnEB-3jWwJV-A6Zonq1KSkjEuqCAW3yvITQw/s320/herculesrolledos.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5405857966695783090" border="0" /></a><br />This has to be one of the most ambitiously bad movies I’ve ever done.<br />No, seriously; this film aspires to such levels of silliness, and all with a straight face.<br />I’ve spent considerable time trying to wrap my brain around just what in the name of hell the creators of this epic acid trip were trying to do.<br />As a result of doing that however, I ended up with a nosebleed and found myself passed out on the floor.<br />It’s obvious the film aspired to be something far more epic than its budget would allow.<br />An Italian production that saw release in the United States through Golan-Globus, written and directed by Luigi Cozzi, this is to say the least, an odd retelling of the Hercules myth.<br />Hercules, played by Lou Ferrigno (television’s The Incredible Hulk) battles the evil wizard Minos (William Berger) who uses “science” to try to dominate the world.<br />And by science, I mean stop-motion monstrosities depicted as robotic beasts that would make Ray Harryhausen punch a Cyclops.<br />The film opens with narration depicting the creation of the universe, more specifically this solar system, through a trippy effects sequence, full of flashy stars, and electronic “pew!” sound effects.<br />We are then introduced to the Gods, who really seem to fancy 80s leotards and the like.<br />Although Zeus himself (Claudio Cassinelli) is clothed in nothing more than bed sheets, a blatantly fake beard, and a fancy-shmancy crown.<br />They all hang out on the moon……of course.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdOjTS6iDDjU-am009d7nGJ33damAwCwCLMRyHfEJ4nX0BxgzsecGN6KU39sh59nqli6i1XlR9GCPOGFQKEyc5yD3Wpo1_aRGRVYMxr6RIHZQfpgm6VbVctu1JfYwrnGrWCoVcDQdPNffN/s1600/vlcsnap-75503.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 304px; height: 188px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdOjTS6iDDjU-am009d7nGJ33damAwCwCLMRyHfEJ4nX0BxgzsecGN6KU39sh59nqli6i1XlR9GCPOGFQKEyc5yD3Wpo1_aRGRVYMxr6RIHZQfpgm6VbVctu1JfYwrnGrWCoVcDQdPNffN/s320/vlcsnap-75503.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5405858232610406978" border="0" /></a><br />Anywho, they sit about, pondering the balance between good and evil, or debating it….whatever.<br />They come to the conclusion that to balance out good and evil on planet Earth, humanity must have a champion, with really big muscles that are regularly oiled, and a rugged beard that makes his face look like an evil chia-pet.<br />And so, through more “pew!” sound effects, Hercules is given birth on the planet Earth, as the son of King Augius, who of course himself is betrayed and killed by Minos, but luckily Zeus intervenes, resulting in lil’ Herc floating down a stream to be discovered by his new parents.<br />Now, the scenes of lil’ Herc floating down a stream are just funny enough; meaning we get to see the little guy strangle and squeeze poorly made rubber snake puppets until jam, or whatever it is, comes oozing out of them.<br />I suppose this was designed to show Hercules’ massive strength at even his earliest years, but instead just comes across as hilariously inept film making.<br />And so, Hercules is raised by his new parents, growing into the afore-mentioned big muscley guy, but of course, these parents get killed as well, in remarkably humourous ways.<br />His father is killed by a bear, or more like a guy in a cheap bear suit and stock footage; for which Hercules is so angered he actually flings Yogi into outer space…..well, a small bear doll, at least….perhaps it was Boo Boo standing in for Yogi as his stunt bear.<br />That’s not the only thing ol’ Herc flings into the cosmos in this film…he chucks a log up there as well…..for which the director actually set up shots akin to a Star Destroyer passing by.<br />Huh.<br />Well, one thing’s for certain; never play Frisbee with Herc, or you’ll never see that Frisbee again.<br />His mother however, is dispatched by one of the afore-mentioned mechanical beasts; this one for all I could see just had itty-bitty tiny wings that flapped, and little pinchy things on its face that didn’t even touc<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcyDeIrPTghx7eudJfDcVmo7QL6Duuaaz5pc8nAYHkcs1hEgoj69ZXWob2t2FEIETmJk1JcB8fxtxEM6tL3aaftGW90G9at3F_C1p-CR-ObdDZslQaG7sx85oMOZnOEIwMxyJpUcJGS7B0/s1600/vlcsnap-77276.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 304px; height: 188px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcyDeIrPTghx7eudJfDcVmo7QL6Duuaaz5pc8nAYHkcs1hEgoj69ZXWob2t2FEIETmJk1JcB8fxtxEM6tL3aaftGW90G9at3F_C1p-CR-ObdDZslQaG7sx85oMOZnOEIwMxyJpUcJGS7B0/s320/vlcsnap-77276.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5405858380275686562" border="0" /></a>h her.<br />Nonetheless, she goes down faster than a Vietnamese hooker; and Herc yet again shows up too late to save her, but dispatches the badly matted in tinker toy.<br />After which, in his mourning, Herc torches his house, and decides to head off in search of his destiny.<br />Ok, so far Herc isn’t the son of Zeus as the original myth told, he fights giant wind-up toys, logs, snake puppets that look like adult novelty toys, and guys in bad bear suits…..oookaaayy.<br />At this point I actually asked out loud “Can this get any sillier? Or weirder?”<br />For which the plot, like a sleeping leviathan of death in response, kicks in.<br />Herc soon becomes the body guard for Princess Cassiopeia, who unfortunately is kidnapped by Arianna (just go with it.) so Herc has to now get her back….oh yeah, of course they’re in love in an amazingly short period of time, regardless of lack of chemistry, and what not.<br />So the rest of the film is spent on Herc’s journey to find and rescue his lady love.<br />So really, Herc doesn’t spend the rest of this film, or really any of the film at all being humanity’s champion at all……he’s just looking to get laid.<br />He’s the champion of his penis.<br />And on this quest he faces more stop-motion wind-up toys, the sorceress Circe, who looks to enjoy 80s aerobics classes, and poorly matted effects shots.<br />While watching this film I had to do a double take at the date of release.<br />1983.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_da-FFxpG8LChjWFOpyDdvSXHg34I186Ep840po2_exbjVV7KBZW9QDDTVNqkxWeOXl0CtjVPK4tvvSEdygnGgMn2AW5QmUeBfq4t0qsqlJcIN2SbUHcts8c8ZZuIffd28nq0xegbybxh/s1600/vlcsnap-78018.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 304px; height: 188px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_da-FFxpG8LChjWFOpyDdvSXHg34I186Ep840po2_exbjVV7KBZW9QDDTVNqkxWeOXl0CtjVPK4tvvSEdygnGgMn2AW5QmUeBfq4t0qsqlJcIN2SbUHcts8c8ZZuIffd28nq0xegbybxh/s320/vlcsnap-78018.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5405858650992414658" border="0" /></a><br />When I was watching, I would have pegged it at perhaps 1974-1976….hell, even 1970.<br />Surely this film had to be older than myself, right?<br />Apparently not.<br />I do have to admit one thing, however; this film is cheese at its height.<br />From the ham-fisted acting, to discotech spacey effects, which have more of a place in the old Buck Rogers series than a Hercules film, the end result is definitely entertaining, if not downright laughter-inducing in it’s absurdity.<br />Lou Ferrigno would return for a sequel in 1985’s The Adventures Of Hercules (Hercules II) in which Herc has to track down the seven thunderbolts of Zeus, which have been stolen by renegade gods.<br />That review will be forthcoming soon enough.Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-48274591074333898412009-11-18T21:34:00.002-05:002009-11-18T21:38:42.108-05:00Turtles Forever; Or "How Many Turtles Can You Fit Into 90 Minutes?"Yes, I know the review I planned for today is late; tomorrow, lads.<br />The CW will be airing the DTV movie, Turtles Forever this coming Saturday morning, and I have to admit, I'm actually pretty geeked about this.<br />True, it doesn't feature the voice actors from the original toon, but hey; it has to be the biggest love letter to the fans of the franchise I've ever seen anyone try.<br /><br /><br /><object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/YixMJJzOCoA&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/YixMJJzOCoA&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="385" width="480"></embed></object>Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-74883920722542779892009-11-17T11:25:00.002-05:002009-11-17T11:29:25.904-05:00Left 4 Dead: On The NES!Just what EricRuthGames has posted on Youtube; and yes, this is an actual game available for download January 4th, 2010!<br />I'd have to say this is bloody hilarious if anything.<br /><br /><br /><object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/-lFkXFqHc9E&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/-lFkXFqHc9E&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="385" width="480"></embed></object>Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-43385210415264238232009-11-16T21:25:00.002-05:002009-11-16T21:34:53.224-05:00Smallville's Hawkman......OMFG.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.toplessrobot.com/9395.keck_lg_hawkman.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 305px; height: 276px;" src="http://www.toplessrobot.com/9395.keck_lg_hawkman.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/11/smallvilles_hawkman_revealed_to_be_hysterical.php">Topless Robot</a> was lucky enough to get ahold of this image from an upcoming two-parter featuring Hawkman.<br />And all I have to say is......BWAH, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-60039800695067913772009-11-16T10:55:00.003-05:002009-11-16T11:20:59.572-05:00B-Movie Monday: Godzilla's, Revenge Guest Review!Today we have a guest review from JLA, from <a href="http://jlamoviereviews.blogspot.com/">JLA's Movie Reviews ,</a><br />who was kind enough to grant us a review of <span style="font-weight: bold;">Godzilla's Revenge.<br /></span>So, seeing as this is a guest review, there will be no Zombie-Spidey rating system<br />in place.<br />Please enjoy, and by all means, check the lad's site out!<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.japan.pop-cult.com/images/godzillas-revenge.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 247px; height: 347px;" src="http://www.japan.pop-cult.com/images/godzillas-revenge.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Godzilla's Revenge (1969)</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;">By: Jordan (jla1987)</span><br />Back in the mid to late 60s, Toho got the bright idea to make Godzilla (a creature that consistently causes destruction in Japan with every appearance) into some sort of savior from the other monsters of the galaxy. Well, due to this we got a whole smorgasbord of kiddie Godzilla movies where the big green rubber-suited beast is idolized by little kids. Primary examples of Godzilla vs. Hedorah, Godzilla vs. Megalon, and Godzilla's Revenge come to mind. The concept would have been okay for maybe just one movie, but to make a whole bunch with a similar premise was just goofy. At least Godzilla's Revenge tried to change it up...albeit making it even worse!<br /><br />Rather than set it all up with detail, here's the premise of this gem!! A little kid, Ichiro, is bullied by typical grade school bullies led by the horrid Gabara on his way home from school. Sound like a Godzilla movie yet? No? Let's continue! The little kid wants to visit Monster Island, the dwelling of Godzilla and his mighty band of monsters. From here, let me allow Wikipedia to provide a rather funny explanation of what Ichiro does next: "After seeing Godzilla attack the docks of Tokyo, to escape his loneliness, Ichiro goes to sleep and dreams about Monster Island, where he befriends Minilla, the son of Godzilla." Get that? Genius, ain't it? If I was a little kid and saw a giant monster destroying a dock in a major Japanese city, I'd shit myself! Hey, whatever floats your boat...<br /><br />So, now we're on a dream world interpretation of Monster Island. Actually, we start off underneath it, as Ichiro falls into a cavern and lands with the most unspectacular thuds in history (you must see it to believe it, but this is the worst fake fall in history!). Skip a bit, then we meet the greatest piece of the Kaiju universe, Minya! This little oddity is the son of Godzilla, first glimpsed in the equally silly "Son of Godzilla." In Ichiro's dream world, Minya (yes, I know it's Minilla for you purists) can speak (either Japanese or English depending on your viewing preference ;). In reality, the little goofy creature would probably tear Ichiro apart faster than his bully schoolmates. Minya begins his lessons soon after and some stock footage from previous Godzilla movies, Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster in particular, ensues.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLqIWWmZVhm9EQ8oS-YL7YHMnIk8yjEDMm6pLc9OfydRspNViXPvVMONo1J1UbIkfQ9PAQmvc5_NC1S8IKX6m7UUi5t2hRgx6019_XL3T0tFDb8AqxL8ODl3vu5vioW-8uSSpHFnBihVCx/s1600/godzillas_revenge01.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 280px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLqIWWmZVhm9EQ8oS-YL7YHMnIk8yjEDMm6pLc9OfydRspNViXPvVMONo1J1UbIkfQ9PAQmvc5_NC1S8IKX6m7UUi5t2hRgx6019_XL3T0tFDb8AqxL8ODl3vu5vioW-8uSSpHFnBihVCx/s320/godzillas_revenge01.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5404736729205313314" border="0" /></a><br />Who is the primary monster villain, you might ask? A beast appropriately named Gabara! Please click the link and behold! Hope I didn't scare you too much. So, this monster is conjured up as an analogue to the real world bully counterpart. Guess who monster Gabara terrorizes. No need, since it's Minya of course! I'm sure even with this basic review that I've written, that anyone could guess where this "lesson" is going. Godzilla and Minya are teaching Ichiro to go kick the bully's ass! Perhaps, once again I can let Wikipedia sum it up best...check this out: "To train Minilla, Godzilla makes him fight. Then Ichiro helps Minilla fight back at Gabara and wins through some help of Godzilla. It is through these trips that he learns how to face his fears and fight back. These lessons also grant him the courage to outwit two bumbling bank robbers, as well as have the guts to stand up to Gabara and his gang in a final confrontation." Please note the part about two bumbling bank robbers. WTF were the writers of this movies smoking? It doesn'<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_MkdwgOnQ_wdktKtl-_TcSMhLxJ-8sETHjAnU51vuYiWrZ_UX4SOROuCqOySFSw4rJh-R0Yjd30McyzS3A3CiEPqAnN7tzC9j6EuISmX0rui23OygUN8Pn3n8qmvT8S3cPSzr0gKnvBWy/s1600/godzillasrevenge02.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_MkdwgOnQ_wdktKtl-_TcSMhLxJ-8sETHjAnU51vuYiWrZ_UX4SOROuCqOySFSw4rJh-R0Yjd30McyzS3A3CiEPqAnN7tzC9j6EuISmX0rui23OygUN8Pn3n8qmvT8S3cPSzr0gKnvBWy/s320/godzillasrevenge02.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5404737022949082850" border="0" /></a>t help that the final battle between the gang of bullies and Ichiro is shot as though it's a psychedelic music video.<br /><br />In summation, this is the most kiddie-friendly and bizarre Godzilla movie ever made. It provided hours of riffing for me and my friends and I truly must thank the creators of the film for that...but that's the only redeemable quality. Godzilla's Revenge, also titled All Monsters Attack (?), is the worst in the eyes of most Godzilla fans, but in all honesty I find it no worse than the Smog Monster or Megalon. The music of the film, while different for Godzilla, actually stands out to make the movie at little more fun than it actually is. There's no real lesson to be learned other than go beat the hell out of your enemies, which is fine for Godzilla, but less so for a grade schooler. Ugh, as with all bad movies, give this a shot. You won't believe how goofy it is without watching it at least once.Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-27754109342923151262009-11-11T10:10:00.001-05:002009-11-11T10:11:19.738-05:00Clash Of The Titans Trailer<object height="340" width="560"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/pcBNHZEiX0g&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/pcBNHZEiX0g&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="340" width="560"></embed></object><br /><br /><br />You know, this actually looks pretty decent.<br />And I'm a snob.Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-69696271083202284852009-11-08T23:41:00.007-05:002009-11-09T00:03:55.647-05:003 Dev Adam (3 Mighty Men, 1973)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdPhHDcG4CqnKX1FC7noQ_60nA8Q9TvYHhqm8yE6U5h4HShLgQrYwRDiTqzKF2vWMlDHBKtSM6DxChqL9GZQPyEkfrDyYTCPAXHBezHPO7Yw1sJCiX4WaMZwRXMkagOfcRBIOuXOLGg-VD/s1600-h/ZombieSpidey01.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 95px; height: 142px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdPhHDcG4CqnKX1FC7noQ_60nA8Q9TvYHhqm8yE6U5h4HShLgQrYwRDiTqzKF2vWMlDHBKtSM6DxChqL9GZQPyEkfrDyYTCPAXHBezHPO7Yw1sJCiX4WaMZwRXMkagOfcRBIOuXOLGg-VD/s320/ZombieSpidey01.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5401965085001009858" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7X3eNifVw3YR2mNL7gnLMLA3iZWOXQuL5HGgPHI7DjP8jP0Ic60wLHFyUE4POBUmYUTFgzJj1nTGDaTnKMgG_BJYbDrSjETYmbI9nOEPA-2KgLEWGeaoCwsEv3aGbGduNhvSglBthRMUD/s1600-h/3devadam.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 211px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7X3eNifVw3YR2mNL7gnLMLA3iZWOXQuL5HGgPHI7DjP8jP0Ic60wLHFyUE4POBUmYUTFgzJj1nTGDaTnKMgG_BJYbDrSjETYmbI9nOEPA-2KgLEWGeaoCwsEv3aGbGduNhvSglBthRMUD/s320/3devadam.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5401960285519601202" border="0" /></a><br />AKA “Turkish Spider-Man”, AKA “Shoot Me Now”.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">3 Dev Adam</span> is an interesting study to say the least; of foreign adaptations of American cultural icons.<br />Namely, <span style="font-weight: bold;">Spider-Man</span> and <span style="font-weight: bold;">Captain America</span>.<br />Yes, you heard me right.<br />Mind you, the only thing American about this Captain is his costume.<br />Also, Spider-Man in this film is no hero; he’s the head of the “Spider Gang”, chops women’s head’s up with boat propellers, strangles them in the shower, and uses guinea pigs to kill.<br />I’m certain they were <span style="font-style: italic;">evil</span> guinea pigs at least.<br />Also had to love the extremely long eyebrows protruding from the eye sockets of Spidey’s mask……that really shows he’s evil.<br />Another unauthorized character in this film who teams up with Captain America is the Mexican masked wrestling hero, <span style="font-weight: bold;">El Santo</span> (AKA Samson).<br />Unfortunately, unlike the real El Santo, this version is depicted without his mask on numerous occasions throughout the film.<br />Anyone who is a fan of the masked wrestlers knows that they never, never, ever are seen in public without their mask on.<br />But, since this is a fake El Santo, I suppose we can make the exception.<br />The film takes place in Istanbul, where Not-Spider-Man and his criminal group surface in the city with counterfeit US Dollars.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv7cjbCHxgbSJPdATMxo_Szg3Q3RZWY-h5opQ_1U2jZG8UdMdJ2lXfcCvy53I76tGeH61q7KEPprx_NKTIeLpDGHM-fvXMn4zxvNOSIOrbTsTFToTQUgY70jV0nOlK9TGOHU5tXvalHkn6/s1600-h/3DevAdam001.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 250px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv7cjbCHxgbSJPdATMxo_Szg3Q3RZWY-h5opQ_1U2jZG8UdMdJ2lXfcCvy53I76tGeH61q7KEPprx_NKTIeLpDGHM-fvXMn4zxvNOSIOrbTsTFToTQUgY70jV0nOlK9TGOHU5tXvalHkn6/s320/3DevAdam001.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5401960681720683858" border="0" /></a><br />A small task force is brought in, consisting of Captain America, his girlfriend, and El Santo.<br />The film opens with Spider-Man and his own girlfriend, along with a few of his henchman burying a woman in the sand on the beach up to her neck, and then backing a boat propeller into her face.<br />Then the opening credits roll.<br />Wait….what?<br />Well, the film does try to grab your attention from the beginning, at least.<br />The remainder of this film is spent trying to infiltrate Spider-Man’s gang on a few occasions.<br />First, Cap’s girlfriend tries, taking pictures at the villain’s hideout, but is captured.<br />She sends out an S.O.S., using her super-duper-secret-beepy-watch.<br />Luckily, Cap is tooling around town sporting a jacket so loud it should come with a volume knob.<br />He receives the signal on his own super-duper-secret-beepy-watch and springs into action.<br />And by that, I mean he raids the house, and what follows is what is going to fill most of the remainder of the film.<br />Fight scenes so goofy I found myself giggling uncontrollably almost continuously.<br />At times I expected cartoon sound effects, but was sadly denied.<br />Anyway, he rescues his girlfriend, and after another goofy fight with Spider-Man, the villain escapes in car that looks to have more mileage than <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLvwZjmFej1PtQyvej5ltGrpHQ_ZzEi08Nb7sSOq2hlr5YjDxQLRSJYRza2bFchJHgfQmXIT4smPZBwHMwY-fIU5eHEwCYxGionfaylm0cW4yWIPKAHXyyNOq71kI6C-6jDDiN8UI3iGUK/s1600-h/3DevAdam002.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 270px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLvwZjmFej1PtQyvej5ltGrpHQ_ZzEi08Nb7sSOq2hlr5YjDxQLRSJYRza2bFchJHgfQmXIT4smPZBwHMwY-fIU5eHEwCYxGionfaylm0cW4yWIPKAHXyyNOq71kI6C-6jDDiN8UI3iGUK/s320/3DevAdam002.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5401960884926704434" border="0" /></a>Brittany Spears.<br />There is one thing I have to give to the lead male actors in this film though; they really throw themselves into the fight scenes, even if the result is more comedic than exciting.<br />Santo himself has his own fighting scenes, namely taking on some karate blokes at a dojo being used as a front for the counterfeiting.<br />And this scene is more reminiscent of a schoolyard brawl then a superhero fight.<br />Also this Spider-Man either has the ability to clone himself on the fly, or he tricked a bunch of his hapless henchmen into wearing the same costume as himself, and having the pulp beaten out of them.<br />Anyone who complains that today’s superhero film adaptations from Hollywood take too many liberties with the characters needs to see this film, and be thankful that Hollywood doesn’t take the same approach.<br />Well, ok…..except for <span style="font-weight: bold;">Catwoman</span>Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-91707319095484271772009-11-07T15:55:00.002-05:002009-11-07T15:58:50.669-05:00Update<div style="text-align: left;">Alright, as you can see, I've added a link button for the new forums; however, the forums will not, I repeat <span style="font-style: italic;">not</span> be online until Monday morning, at 12:00am EST.<br />Also you'll notice in the upcoming reviews, I have now listed <span style="font-weight: bold;">3 Dev Adam</span> for <span style="font-style: italic;">B-Movie Monday</span>.<br /><br />Yes, things are slowly getting back to normal finally.<br /></div>Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-84471030652309874722009-11-05T13:53:00.003-05:002009-11-05T13:54:41.393-05:00Huh, New Layout And Banner Logo.As you can see, things have been altered somewhat here at NOTLN, including a new banner logo.<br />A new review should be up soon enough, as soon as I'm through mucking about with the new forum, and it's logo.<br />Stay tuned til' then kids.Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-50602984547652660652009-10-20T09:49:00.002-04:002009-10-20T09:51:53.911-04:00Things Are A' Changin'...<div style="text-align: left;">As you may have noticed, updates have been pretty much non-existant over the last couple of months.<br />Well, things are changing for this blog; namely, I'll be taking on a new reviewer, and launching an acompanying forum.<br />These changes will probably take at least another week or so, so stay tuned for updates.<br /></div>Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-11839864508949784772009-10-02T11:29:00.002-04:002009-10-02T11:33:12.113-04:00Where In The Blue Hell Have I Been?Well, I've been on a bit of a vacation the last month, but I will begin posting regularly again come Monday, with a review of A*P*E* (1976).<br />I've just had a few things to adjust to in my life; you know how it is...new this or that, new girlfriend (yes, I can do that...amazing, no?) so I'll be back to my usual jovial self soon enough.<br />There's a mountain of news I've missed in my absence that better, more seasoned sites have already covered, so I'll leave that to them for now.<br />Until Monday, my precious snowflakes.Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-34782105314675989542009-08-23T23:58:00.011-04:002009-08-24T00:19:37.520-04:00Rifftrax Live & Plan 9 From Outer SpaceOk, this will be a two part review; first the film, then the Rifftrax experience itself; each rated separately.<br />So really, you’re getting a two-for-one here, people.<br />Yes, I love you too.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcntaoKo-U6ndatfaE9B9nCsni4rwtUsvFOv1cfZsdv4qdY_PffKFklNcEtPM3Y6Gg0F1aQUezKRDRp9JCvL_xm_yT2jxpU4GAOo_ULaxKmMBIKPrt2xirvaXtHPrR6dR7_gPpa_KET73Z/s1600-h/ZombieSpidey03.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcntaoKo-U6ndatfaE9B9nCsni4rwtUsvFOv1cfZsdv4qdY_PffKFklNcEtPM3Y6Gg0F1aQUezKRDRp9JCvL_xm_yT2jxpU4GAOo_ULaxKmMBIKPrt2xirvaXtHPrR6dR7_gPpa_KET73Z/s320/ZombieSpidey03.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5373377069478163890" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://mailer.fsu.edu/%7Elflynn/plan9color.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 250px; height: 354px;" src="http://mailer.fsu.edu/%7Elflynn/plan9color.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />What can I say that hasn’t already been said of <span style="font-style: italic;">Plan </span><span style="font-style: italic;">9 From Outer </span><span style="font-style: italic;">Space</span>?<br />The insane brainchild of infamous director Ed Wood Jr., the plot of the film is interesting unto itself, to say the least.<br />It involves Aliens trying to take over the world by using plan 9; resurrecting the newly deceased, in this case, <span style="font-style: italic;">Vampira</span>, <span style="font-style: italic;">Bela Lugos</span>i, and <span style="font-style: italic;">Tor Johnson</span>.<br />Well, Bela kind of….the chiropractor of Ed Wood’s wife actually stood in for almost all of Bela’s undead scenes, since Bela himself died before production of the film was completed.<br />The film begins with airline pilot <span style="font-style: italic;">Jeff Trent</span> in his amazingly constructed flight cabin made up of three walls, two stools, and a shower curtain.<br />Jeff and his co-pilot encounter a UFO, which is actually a painted paper plate suspended by thread.<br />Elsewhere, a funeral is being held for Bela Lugosi’s wife, (and you can tell it’s a cemetery because of the wonderful tiny cardboard headstones that are only two feet apart from each other) as two gravediggers look on.<br />Bela is understandably overcome with grief, or perhaps the heroine kicked in; I couldn’t tell which.<br />After the service, the gravediggers go to leave, when they encounter Vampira, who appears to be undead…..yeah.<br />Her arms raised, the scene fades to black.<br />What happened?<br />Who knows; perhaps she cuddled them to death, because a woman with a waist abo<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4DJeEzUn4Yowqqmp6h99jtwm-RoZcWF5FABAF6I7fAR4VHN7_fuGjvVHs1EHRyRItpjGv8DBvncOqK1BwkByZB-ynSnEJzVvOnXuaUCFZ62NpFL8j8CiTWh8vb29ZSo9jdbKJPl_APLKO/s1600-h/plan-9-from-outer-space1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4DJeEzUn4Yowqqmp6h99jtwm-RoZcWF5FABAF6I7fAR4VHN7_fuGjvVHs1EHRyRItpjGv8DBvncOqK1BwkByZB-ynSnEJzVvOnXuaUCFZ62NpFL8j8CiTWh8vb29ZSo9jdbKJPl_APLKO/s320/plan-9-from-outer-space1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5373378048130010546" border="0" /></a>ut two inches in diameter just doesn’t strike me as a threat to two gravediggers who also happened to have shovels as weapons.<br />So, back to Bela, who apparently so absorbed in grief by his wife’s death, wanders into traffic and is apparently turned into pavement paste.<br />At his funeral, the corpses of the two gravediggers are discovered that must’ve been some hardcore cuddling!) <span style="font-style: italic;">Inspector Daniel Clay</span> (Tor Johnson) is on the scene with two numbnut police officers who will offer much ridiculous dialogue to come.<br />Good ole’ Tor encounters Vampira, who is now joined by Not-Bela and is killed as well.<br />Now comes one of those ridiculous lines from the aforementioned officers when they stumble upon his massive ton of flesh: <span style="font-style: italic;">"Inspector Clay is</span><span style="font-style: italic;"> dead...murdered...and somebody's responsible!"</span>.<br />Those boys don’t miss a trick, do they?<br />We then cut to Jeff Trent and his wife Paula sitting in their backyard looking out at the cemetery (we assume) as he relates his earlier UFO experience through more absurdly written dialogue.<br />He figures the UFO’s are related to the strange goings on in the cemetery…..oh, no doubt.<br />Suddenly, a blinding light and massive gust of wind knock the chemistry-lacking couple to the ground, a “spaceship” landing nearby.<br />Of course it is.<br />What follows in the film are more sightings of flying paper plates, inane dialogue, and of course……more stock footage than you can shake a heroine needle at.<br />But what makes this film fun is the fact that it’s taking itself almost deathly serious.<br />From the cardboard stiff line delivery, to the insanely dangerous way that the one inspector flips his revolver about; even tipping his hat up with it.<br />And on the subject of line delivery nothing will probably ever top the line delivered by <span style="font-style: italic;">Eros</span> (Dudley Manlove): <span style="font-style: italic;">“You see? You see? Stupid! Stupid!!”</span>.<br />And really, what would any Ed Wood film be without Tor Johnson?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Glen Or Glenda</span>, tha<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMqX4Kz7yP1IBKfI9ORHh0jQhBvEFuEJUsF27eQJtCgALRv-f9VpVNoPJZ8eqsrjE_w1u6FEeF3GkzkTm2yiZL3WJLNkTAqVsCIrJ8vLhbfbReU1fJYr8ecmDXsEoT3aShd4ArvUQorfwC/s1600-h/plan-9-from-outer-space-2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 253px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMqX4Kz7yP1IBKfI9ORHh0jQhBvEFuEJUsF27eQJtCgALRv-f9VpVNoPJZ8eqsrjE_w1u6FEeF3GkzkTm2yiZL3WJLNkTAqVsCIrJ8vLhbfbReU1fJYr8ecmDXsEoT3aShd4ArvUQorfwC/s320/plan-9-from-outer-space-2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5373378225777869170" border="0" /></a>t’s what; and we reeeeaaally don’t want that.<br />Plan 9 From Outer Space, originally titled “Grave Robbers From Outer Space” has often been regarded as the worst movie ever made.<br />Poppycock, I say.<br />Sit through <span style="font-style: italic;">Manos: The Hands Of Fate</span>, then we’ll discuss worst of the worst.<br />So on top of the seriousness the film tries to project amidst all the incredibly cheap special defects, blatantly fake props, the worst stand in for an actor I’ve seen this side of an old school <span style="font-style: italic;">Star Trek</span> fight scene, and absurd dialogue, are the main reasons I recommend this film.<br />Sounds crazy, right?<br />Hear me out; one thing I truly respect about this film is Ed Wood’s pure ambition and love of making pictures.<br />He wasn’t about to let a little thing like no budget get in the way of his vision.<br />And that’s what it was always all about.<br />Plan 9 was the culmination of Ed Wood’s film making dreams.<br />Sure, the result may have caused nose bleeds in some people, birth defects in pregnant women brave enough to sit through it, but dammit, I’ve got to hand it to a guy with that much guts.<br />He didn’t make the film to make a quick buck; he made it because he loved doing it.<br />And that puts him in the plus column in my book.<br />There’s a reason the man has a cult following.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;">Rifftrax: The Live Show</span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrniq_B_6dwu4FH9DIGGyNTPZyCLWSHvnuDrRZHXuUE4IW4CQ94BYf0M_HUgWtdIMlJodhywQv1rkaP9N845M0JU7rdvLxcdJ8etyIYbyYtpLHMjLq8innBVk6KjY0xoxXTpQkzmiGaScN/s1600-h/ZombieSpidey03andahalf.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 116px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrniq_B_6dwu4FH9DIGGyNTPZyCLWSHvnuDrRZHXuUE4IW4CQ94BYf0M_HUgWtdIMlJodhywQv1rkaP9N845M0JU7rdvLxcdJ8etyIYbyYtpLHMjLq8innBVk6KjY0xoxXTpQkzmiGaScN/s320/ZombieSpidey03andahalf.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5373379200720411074" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGS-lT8rnezEN8FmAyBYcUyOmNiDQGE8_4gl6uhUCO02WyinzeWWIDbkiNYpM6-ThyYvzeAnFERc68ZuDWGB3ylpAhFN3OvHl9py00rzIyGnHZhRlwvw6uu9yNKi7hUi1BcCUZVokm3zVz/s1600-h/RifftraxPlan9.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 304px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGS-lT8rnezEN8FmAyBYcUyOmNiDQGE8_4gl6uhUCO02WyinzeWWIDbkiNYpM6-ThyYvzeAnFERc68ZuDWGB3ylpAhFN3OvHl9py00rzIyGnHZhRlwvw6uu9yNKi7hUi1BcCUZVokm3zVz/s320/RifftraxPlan9.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5373378498499878130" border="0" /></a><br />Now I was lucky to actually have just stumbled into this.<br />It was to be a birthday gift for a friend of mine, and they were gracious enough to let me attend with them.<br />For those who don’t know what Rifftrax is, refer to my post from last week; it also contains links to their site and related sites.<br />We attended at a local AMC theatre, and immediately I was surprised at the attendance.<br />The theatre itself was darn near packed, everyone eagerly awaiting the show.<br />Now, the show itself was being held in Tennessee, and was being broadcast via satellite delay to over 400 other theatres across the country.<br />Right up on the big screen we were treated to a visual of the theatre they were broadcasting from, and the packed audience that were attending there.<br />A nice young lady, who I’m unfamiliar with, and no doubt someone will berate me for not knowing, was the host of the show, and shortly introduced the Riff-Kings themselves; <span style="font-style: italic;">Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy,</span> and <span style="font-style: italic;">Bill Corbett</span>.<br />Immediately they jumped into riffing the film short <span style="font-style: italic;">“The Flying Stewardess”</span>, and cut into it with such wit and observational humour, the theatre was out loud laughing the whole way through.<br />However, not all was well with this segment of the show; on at least four occasions, the feed blinked out for about 4-5 seconds, instigating an <span style="font-style: italic;">“aaaawww!"</span> from our audience.<br />Luckily, this didn’t last long, and the show was able to continue.<br />In between the short and feature presentation, we were treated to ads, courtesy of somethingawful.com; which of course were wonderfully deranged parodies.<br />What actually kind of brought the show to halt in terms of pace, was geek folk singer <span style="font-style: italic;">Jonathan Coulton</span> coming out and doing a couple of songs.<br />Now, while they were amusing, and it was oddly funny to see the camera cut to the same two girls in the audience singing along a little too vehemently, it really didn’t add anything to the show; and for me personally, I could have done without it.<br />Thankfully right after his two songs, Mike and boys came out and did a little ditty of their own, with Coulton’s help of course; and this was immediately followed by the feature presentation of <span style="font-style: italic;">Plan 9 From Outer Space</span>.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUjsa413jJBNPsIILnKJi5_DEOYhU2IkYkLvHVSQ1yOBuQu73stcvkQxHTFmeh8H1I04UQeOMuLLBrTNtuUHzkQjI0vhuIewo4g_J9lCY4Hx_RccuSTkzxXlkkViylDRBcRkIWyaz0z6e-/s1600-h/Rifftrax-lo.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 230px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUjsa413jJBNPsIILnKJi5_DEOYhU2IkYkLvHVSQ1yOBuQu73stcvkQxHTFmeh8H1I04UQeOMuLLBrTNtuUHzkQjI0vhuIewo4g_J9lCY4Hx_RccuSTkzxXlkkViylDRBcRkIWyaz0z6e-/s320/Rifftrax-lo.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5373378836509144834" border="0" /></a><br />Let me tell you; originally I wasn’t certain that Plan 9 could even be riffed successfully, since the film itself is kind of a parody.<br />But sweet Christmas, these boys cut into it with their A-game!<br />A flurry of observational riffs, put-down jokes, and dialogue inserts had the audience in our theatre roaring.<br />This was a film the guys have obviously studied and experimented with carefully, picking and choosing just the right combination that worked seamlessly in tune with the film.<br />Not only that, but they knew just when to hold back during scenes or dialogue that had the audience laughing by itself.<br />Such as <span style="font-style: italic;">Eros</span>’ wonderful tangent on stupidity; cutting in right when they needed to; not overshadowing the lunacy, but enhancing it, if that makes any sense.<br /><br />So to sum up, aside from a couple of tech glitches, and a unnecessary folk music interlude, the Rifftrax crew delivered in spades.<br />I certainly hope they plan to do more of these shows, at least once a year; because experiencing a good riffing with a large audience is just too wonderful an experience to only do once.<br />One quick side note however; surprisingly the version of the film they chose to present was colourized.<br />Now while this isn’t a big thing, and I understand that showing a colour version of the film is probably meant for the benefit of an audience who prefers it, I did find it a bit jarring, and hope they decide to steer away from it in the future.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Author's note, a correction:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">In my review of Starcrash, I mistakenly and foolishly subbed Fritz Freiling for the unmistakable classic voice talent of Mel Blanc.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br />For that, I'm stupid, and will accept any taunting of my self-noted stupidity.</span>Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-92125379457375046872009-08-22T13:50:00.005-04:002009-08-22T13:56:43.542-04:00District 9<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNhcnakpG3Xrk5DReM-C7vHjUEw8mVE4ycW9VHuQ8DMnMPUwpWk0TbT7bDz7WVU9pjbpmWP9cDhyphenhyphengMFnMOPUNTjaIyXvxXPQaUPnaYHV1XpiM9UfCHsqS4js46rwbAPK4qssHownhZbTX3/s1600-h/ZombieSpidey03.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNhcnakpG3Xrk5DReM-C7vHjUEw8mVE4ycW9VHuQ8DMnMPUwpWk0TbT7bDz7WVU9pjbpmWP9cDhyphenhyphengMFnMOPUNTjaIyXvxXPQaUPnaYHV1XpiM9UfCHsqS4js46rwbAPK4qssHownhZbTX3/s320/ZombieSpidey03.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372847274518586978" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs5m1twDQLlmSPAevLyanXcb0UvQj57SZVIXo7Y3a9nZzifVYqUAW8s-LW_uhyGGWu-PJdYtQugkKpc8hpvecH2Dg6oLAfi6sMiHGSlbtIOTdT-cKcS-tRCIv8v1xcX1MODdoz_K0wVMrK/s1600-h/district9_thumb.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 246px; height: 282px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs5m1twDQLlmSPAevLyanXcb0UvQj57SZVIXo7Y3a9nZzifVYqUAW8s-LW_uhyGGWu-PJdYtQugkKpc8hpvecH2Dg6oLAfi6sMiHGSlbtIOTdT-cKcS-tRCIv8v1xcX1MODdoz_K0wVMrK/s320/district9_thumb.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372847414134950418" border="0" /></a><br />Pig launched by a Mech Suit.<br /><br />Now that I have your attention, that’s not the only highlight of this film.<br />District 9 I think is the type of film I’ve been waiting for in the Science Fiction genre of film making for a very long time.<br />At a reported budget of only $30 million, the effects in this film could make some of ILM’s stuff seem over rated.<br />District 9 concerns an alien space craft that appeared over southern Africa, just hovering there motionless for months, until it was decided that we eventually just had to cut in to the bloody thing to see what was inside.<br />And what was inside was a whole population of aliens; crustacean like in nature; suffering from malnutrition, and just not in a generally good state of health.<br />Their species are not named, except for the derogatory term “prawns”.<br />The aliens are relocated from their ship into a housing project of sorts designated District 9; which over time becomes more of a slum than a home for the aliens, becoming infested with crime, Nigerian gangs, and the like.<br />District 9 is not a pleasant place.<br />The amount of racism, or “speciesism” toward the aliens is great; signs stating “humans only” and the like pasted in the nearby towns, harkening back to time in American history when blacks and whites had such segregation.<br />As racial or species tensions rise, the MNU (Multi-National United) is tasked with relocating the aliens hundreds of kilometers away to a new facility, basically evicting them from District 9.<br />Placed at the head of this effort is Wikus, our main character.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-jK4pJUBV7_ngWBXSqjb2KY4aAoy3-D4UIyGJBDU-tvZ9QSuFX6ej8bBcQM98BCBiKwiZ5uH34MncgPhtNc9qP9DeUNHTH4YENTyhfuOKB6f19_8p_lQTU58D5DCpipJu-nhtwcCihRPk/s1600-h/district-9-alien.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 202px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-jK4pJUBV7_ngWBXSqjb2KY4aAoy3-D4UIyGJBDU-tvZ9QSuFX6ej8bBcQM98BCBiKwiZ5uH34MncgPhtNc9qP9DeUNHTH4YENTyhfuOKB6f19_8p_lQTU58D5DCpipJu-nhtwcCihRPk/s320/district-9-alien.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372847661316614754" border="0" /></a><br />He’s a bit of an ass, to say the least; his regard toward the aliens no more favorable than anyone else.<br />During the eviction, he becomes infected by alien DNA, and that’s where things go downhill for our main character.<br />At the beginning of the film, the aliens seem simple, mindless drones…going more on instinct than anything else.<br />It isn’t until we meet the film’s other main character and his son, that the preconception of who and what these creatures are become blurred.<br />And dammit…you feel for them; the CGI work put into the performance of the aliens in this film works so well that by the ¾ mark, you’re rooting for them.<br />Of course, the more that’s revealed about the MNU, the more you start despising the humans, and the lengths they’ll go to just to control alien weaponry.<br />Not to mention the fear and paranoia humanity displays regarding the aliens, which is probably a sad truth as to how we would actually deal with a true first contact.<br />This film pulls no punches in the portrayals; one fact that was recently discovered was apparently a good deal of the film’s dialogue became improvised on set, leading to a much more natural portrayal on screen.<br />That’s another thing; the acting in this film pulled me in; after the basics of the film were established, my suspension of disbelief wasn’t an issue.<br />The canister of alien “<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW3H1anwdKQeL6G3qtwOOotrRyGMLtyHzGTaNhKaxEnPyXdRCuUAXmovGq_OU_EMzlUi9MMh0xXNflpjmosmfqrZ8BXx-O_rRe3uexJWey1BoXHK4CjXPkBBKU0OTgNOI3yJMKDaf8z8dA/s1600-h/district-9-2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 155px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW3H1anwdKQeL6G3qtwOOotrRyGMLtyHzGTaNhKaxEnPyXdRCuUAXmovGq_OU_EMzlUi9MMh0xXNflpjmosmfqrZ8BXx-O_rRe3uexJWey1BoXHK4CjXPkBBKU0OTgNOI3yJMKDaf8z8dA/s320/district-9-2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372848031045742658" border="0" /></a>fluid” which infected Wikus at first would probably be what some would call the Mcguffin or plot device of the film; capable of altering human DNA, and powering a spaceship as well.<br />Normally, this would bug the hell out of me; same way the Matrix of Leadership in Transformers 2 seemed to have as many uses as an infomercial product.<br />But in this film, it worked; the aliens’ technology is DNA based, leaving open many possibilities for its use and application in the story.<br />So yeah, this didn’t bug me.<br />The first half of the film uses a faux documentary style approach, while the second half is a more balls to the wall action film.<br />But again, to me this works; the flow of the plot dictated that serious shit was going to go down in the second half; and boy, does it really go down…hard.<br />If the first half of the film sets everything up, the second half grabs you by the junk and won’t let go, making certain to keep your attention as bodies explode, and pigs get launched.<br />People have called this film gory; and while this is a pretty accurate assessment, it’s not pointless, I find.<br />I never found it excessive, or too much; it was never there to just make you go “ewww!”<br />Well, except for the pig launch, but that was more funny than anything.<br />And by the end, Wikus, who had been such a sniveling little prat, finally sees the light, so to speak, and does the right thing.<br />So….what do I say?<br />It’s not perfect; but I’d say it’s a safe bet this will end up being one of the Sci-Fi classics.<br />You just don’t get a science fiction film like this very often with this much heart.<br />If they decide to go forward with a sequel, I hope they don’t let the studio interfere.<br />About the one thing that keeps me from giving it a 4 Zombie Spidey rating is that I wanted to see even more of the main alien character's development, and possibly a couple of answers to their origin.<br />But who knows? Perhaps that will be explored in a sequel.Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-84413682611840306842009-08-19T17:33:00.002-04:002009-08-19T17:51:19.153-04:00Plan 9 From Outer Space......Rifftrax!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://digitalslander.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/plan_9_from_outer_space.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 193px; height: 296px;" src="http://digitalslander.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/plan_9_from_outer_space.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Greetings gentle snowflakes; Friday's review of <span style="font-weight: bold;">District 9</span> may suffer a delay until Saturday, due to a sudden scheduled viewing of the Ed Wood Jr. classic, <span style="font-weight: bold;">"Plan 9 From Outer Space"</span>!<br />So what's the big deal?<br />Well, I get to sit in a theater to watch this, along with a live audiocast of the <span style="font-weight: bold;">Rifftrax</span> crew, Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbet as they do a live riff show for this b-movie juggernaut!<br />As a result, not only is <span style="font-weight: bold;">District 9</span>'s review bumped a day, Monday's review of <span style="font-weight: bold;">A*P*E*</span> will be replaced by not only a review of Plan 9, but the experience of the riff crew themselves doing a live show!<br />And if you guys don't know who these gentleman are, shame on you!<br />Shame on you, I say!<br />These fellows got their start dealing with the world of b-movies whilst working on a little cable series that some might remember called <span style="font-weight: bold;">Mystery Science Theater 3000</span>.<br />Since the series' end, the cast and crew of the show went in slightly different directions.<br />I say slightly, because Mike, Kevin and Bill are doing essentially the same thing through Rifftrax, while MST3K series creator Joel Hodgson went on to do the DVD series <span style="font-weight: bold;">Cinematic Titanic</span>, which is most like the original concept of the two projects; joined by Trace Beaulieu and the other remaining MST3K alumni.<br />For more info on either comedy group, follow the links, people!<br />All info on the original MST3K series can be found at <span style="font-weight: bold;">Satellite News</span>!<br /><a href="http://www.rifftrax.com/"><br />Rifftrax's Website</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.cinematictitanic.com/">Cinematic Titanic's Website</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.mst3kinfo.com/">Satellite News</a><br /></div>Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-17445952050868381602009-08-18T16:57:00.007-04:002009-08-18T17:10:15.756-04:00B-Movie Monday (Late!): Starcrash (1979)Yes, I know Monday's review is late; won't happen again, yadda, yadda...don't judge me!<br />Also, you'll notice below I have a review rating system now; That's right, Zombie Spider-Men!<br />1= Utter hell.<br />2= Fair, but not worth it.<br />3= Good.<br />4= Brilliance!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSQwLiVD1RLajlqmyNKNhb6WZ3qtaleKBvdFPPRoAcrT-uAhCX-xGNP5RIR92-zncPiHS5wCEoaDw7H4kGYN3giDAdOYocdH1vWppjfvvP46mceGhG6Sczo2fvC52JRvM7r1UmIceHe7rQ/s1600-h/ZombieSpidey02.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 232px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSQwLiVD1RLajlqmyNKNhb6WZ3qtaleKBvdFPPRoAcrT-uAhCX-xGNP5RIR92-zncPiHS5wCEoaDw7H4kGYN3giDAdOYocdH1vWppjfvvP46mceGhG6Sczo2fvC52JRvM7r1UmIceHe7rQ/s320/ZombieSpidey02.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5371411544909694274" border="0" /></a> <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/74/Starcrash_1979_film_poster.jpg/396px-Starcrash_1979_film_poster.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 324px;" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/74/Starcrash_1979_film_poster.jpg/396px-Starcrash_1979_film_poster.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Well, what can I say about this film?<br />Aside from David Hasselhoff in space?<br />Aside from the villain looking like Darth Vader’s flamboyant cousin that the Skywalker’s refuse to speak of at family gatherings?<br />Ok, I made that last part up; but you get the idea.<br />Starcrash, or Scontri stellari oltre la terza dimensione, the original Italian title, meaning “Stellar Crash Beyond The Third Dimension”, was created to cash in on the Star Wars craze just a couple of years prior.<br />Much like the film, neither title makes much sense.<br />The plot revolves around our sexy heroine Stella Star (Caroline Munro), who really is mostly there for eye candy more than anything, since it’s everyone one else in the film that saves her shapely back end through out the film.<br />Anyway, she’s a smuggler in space, accompanied by her sidekick Akton (Marjoe Gortner).<br />At the beginning of the film, you get an idea for the ambition the production team had for the film, but the effects come off more like that airbrushed art that was so prevalent on rock album covers of the decade…..and lot of other things, too.<br />Anyway, at the beginning of the film, our duo is being pursued by The Chief Of Galactic Police (that must be one big precinct.) Thor (yes, that’s really his name) and his fellow pigs in space.<br />Yes, that joke was on purpose.<br />Actually, he’s accompanied by Police Robot “Elle”, who looks like a bargain bin Cylon painted black, and sounds like one of Fritz Frieling’s voices back when he was still doing Bugs Bunny cartoons.<br />Well, our heroes try their best to evade the authorities, meaning more acid induced special effects; but in the end they’re both caught, and sentenced to hard labor, which results in Star actually wearing less than she was before.<br />Well, she stages a jail break, gets about so far, sees a ship parked on the horizo<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNo3RmDopvuTA6qtdJAHwbNBqbc_r0jwSYDrdPhglo6h6NqKPych6mFMBPIrFPY2t2II1QajaPa3NJvPR9rmEV8fptxOYbBQZ4VVHK2OUYmZ_REyMym_iBrNxoeGTB5cG5zQZ5XMA0l-yR/s1600-h/Starcrash01.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNo3RmDopvuTA6qtdJAHwbNBqbc_r0jwSYDrdPhglo6h6NqKPych6mFMBPIrFPY2t2II1QajaPa3NJvPR9rmEV8fptxOYbBQZ4VVHK2OUYmZ_REyMym_iBrNxoeGTB5cG5zQZ5XMA0l-yR/s320/Starcrash01.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5371412063801451986" border="0" /></a>n, and walks right in, and promptly gets caught again.<br />Star is not very bright, by the way.<br />But wait! It turns out she was pardoned!<br />Why? Well, the Galactic Emperor (Christopher Plummer! WTF?) needs her and Akton to track down a lost ship containing his son, and was also trying to find the hideout of the big bad of the film, Count Zarth Arn (Joe Spinell) who apparently has a super big bad secret weapon that when engaged, gives the impression everyone affected is trapped in a giant lava lamp.<br />No, really.<br />So the film meanders on from there at a tedious pace from one planet to the next, as they attempt to find the missing ship.<br />The world of Amazons is first on their trip, and I don’t even recall why there was a conflict.<br />Amazons are just bitchy like that, I suppose.<br />So bitchy in fact, they sic their giant robot-thing after Star and Elle.<br />The giant robot-thing in question was “brought to life”…..and I use those words loosely, by stop-motion animation, much like anything else that isn’t Elle that is vaguely robotic.<br />Unfortunately the animators apparently had no previous training or experience….or skill, for that matter by the looks of it.<br />The giant moves rather slowly and awkwardly, occasionally lifting an arm perhaps, leaving one to wonder how in the h<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg12A_mVVchNBK95UuxfFsr9-W68un6tEBTR7OcEhcoU4jTxwtal1DId4enh5HUSv5K1AZcfZTVs1Ijesu_5ylsK6KHsYX6LqcX5j9AVkXYhKner0fkeAOWACIIWMrCVmVeaAzxLsqeb6KA/s1600-h/Starcrash02.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg12A_mVVchNBK95UuxfFsr9-W68un6tEBTR7OcEhcoU4jTxwtal1DId4enh5HUSv5K1AZcfZTVs1Ijesu_5ylsK6KHsYX6LqcX5j9AVkXYhKner0fkeAOWACIIWMrCVmVeaAzxLsqeb6KA/s320/Starcrash02.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5371412223231732194" border="0" /></a>ell this thing could be so hard to run away from.<br />Of course the duo are saved just in the nick of time by Akton with their spaceship, blasting away with the requisite “pew! pew!” sounds of the ship’s lasers.<br />And yes, it does sound like that.<br />This first planet encounter pretty much sets up the pace and tone for the remainder of the film; go to planet, get in trouble, get saved at the last second.<br />Elle is the one who accompanies Star on all these little away missions, leaving Akton just hangin’ out on the ship….possibly listening to ABBA or something, I suppose; I dunno, he just seems like the type would dig ABBA.<br />Unfortunately, the trio is betrayed by Thor, who it seems actually works for the bad guy!<br />Boo! Hiss!<br />During their time on an ice planet, while Star and Elle are wandering about the surface aimlessly, Thor seemingly kills Akton, and refuses to let the two back on the ship.<br />With sunset approaching, and the temperature dropping, Elle keeps Star alive by…..holding her hand.<br />There was a “pseudo-science” explanation given, but really, that’s what happened.<br />Luckily, Akton is apparently impervious to “pew! pew!” and turns the tables on Thor quickly enough, which is a shame, because by this time, I was actually rooting for Thor.<br />Akton rescues Star and Elle, and they blast off to yet another planet……jesus, let this be the last one; that ship had better have great light-year mileage…or whatever.<br />All this time through the film, we get perhaps two brief scenes showcasing the villain; and that’s just kind of wrong, really.<br />I mean, the guy is obviously all dressed up, with no heroes to monologue to.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB1NaHsDfAofQFCeWXzfCSPPE6g0uWqcoSsImFeGr2e2fC8VIJrdk55fLKv6ifYDzYrp17EMOb8KMwcXK2pmcPVPrFzRv4zqQI4pvVSfgZQoAkGj9VKOAmDFLaubwIVTukP7PlHCvGsBdB/s1600-h/Starcrash03.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB1NaHsDfAofQFCeWXzfCSPPE6g0uWqcoSsImFeGr2e2fC8VIJrdk55fLKv6ifYDzYrp17EMOb8KMwcXK2pmcPVPrFzRv4zqQI4pvVSfgZQoAkGj9VKOAmDFLaubwIVTukP7PlHCvGsBdB/s320/Starcrash03.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5371412621369208674" border="0" /></a><br />Luckily, they finally find the lifeboat of the lost ship on a planet of Neanderthals, and the Emperor’s son is revealed to be….David Hasselhoff!<br />Unfortunately for “The Hoff”, he doesn’t have a talking car, or big-boobed life guards to cover up his lack of acting skill, so he just kind of comes across as just….there.<br />Regardless, this is more than enough reason for Star to fall in love with him.<br />Like I said….Star is not very bright.<br />Finally the villain gets his oh-so-brief chance to shine, in the last 20 minutes or so of the film.<br />I’m going to leave off the synopsis there; suffice to say it all climaxes with a big space battle that instead of being thrilling, just kind of gives one a massive sense of confusion.<br />What keeps me from recommending this are two reasons; one, the villain isn’t nearly as featured as someone so flamboyant should be.<br />And two, the pace of the film and it’s tedious execution just sucks all the fun out of what should really have been a fun, cheesy romp in space.<br />Christopher Plummer and David Hasselhoff did go on to do other things; as for the others, I have no idea.<br />Perhaps this film launched their careers in Italy, at least?<br />………nah.Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-87179514392913767872009-08-13T23:06:00.005-04:002009-08-13T23:13:40.615-04:00GI Joe: The Rise Of CobraIf anything, GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra does indeed share quite a bit with it’s animated counterpart from the 80’s.<br />They’re both full-on toy commercials that just happened to have a story, and the villains are definitely Saturday morning fare, if a bit more violent and ruthless.<br />Is it a good fun, popcorn flick?<br />Meh.<br />I’d agree to that statement if the characters didn’t come across so bloody flat and dull.<br />The film starts off with a bit of a short history lesson about Destro’s family, or “clan”, the McCullens; apparently, arms dealing has been running in the family for a very long time.<br />After which, we pick up in the near future, where the present day McCullen (Chris Eccleston) is explaining new “nanomite” technology at a conference produced by his company, “M.A.R.S.”; General Hawk (Dennis Quaid) is in attendance.<br />Cut to our two main characters at a military type base; Duke (Chantum Tanning) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) whose team is charged with transporting the nanotech to its location.<br />Of course they’re ambushed en route by the bad guys The Baroness (Sienna Miller) and gang, who of course are after the nanotech themselves for nefarious reasons that I won’t spoil here.<br />During the fight, the GI Joe team appears and joins the fray, of which is very reminiscent of the old cartoon, in that energy weapons seem to be the norm instead of actual bullets.<br />The difference is this time, people actually get hit.<br />Unfortunately, The Baroness and her men, including the oddly white-pajamaed Storm Shadow escape, but the nanomite technology is safe, which the team, now along with Duke and Ripcord transport to Joe HQ somewhere in the desert in Egypt.<br />There, Duke and Ripcord decide to join the Joe team, mostly because Duke has a romantic history with The Baroness.<br />Wait, what?<br />Well, that’s new.<br />What follows is the predictable training montage of the duo, with occasional light comic relief from Wayans, as was to be expected, but not necessarily desired.<br />From there, action takes over; explosions, accelerator suits, and enough bad CGI to pack a first generation Playstation 2 g<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-84qwzYYMy4-q0FSo-aGkN8-hkW3lLcs4gjt8QX-W7KvTCE3ZgGZDbc7jPUBIxApqi6gLt7D_PyV89GXvVgTwWo_Ioy788AAGeirgUXmdmqvxtq-72dZebIdmwJjBa4fkINcB_KArVOUB/s1600-h/GIJOE01.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 273px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-84qwzYYMy4-q0FSo-aGkN8-hkW3lLcs4gjt8QX-W7KvTCE3ZgGZDbc7jPUBIxApqi6gLt7D_PyV89GXvVgTwWo_Ioy788AAGeirgUXmdmqvxtq-72dZebIdmwJjBa4fkINcB_KArVOUB/s320/GIJOE01.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5369651555888145826" border="0" /></a>ame.<br />As a matter of fact, the special effects and the acting are probably the two main things that pulled me out of this film so much, and keep me from recommending it.<br />Duke especially, whose presence and acting remind me much of the Star Wars prequel trilogy in terms of stiffness and cardboard portrayal.<br />This, on top of some inconsistencies in the film also hamper the overall effect; case in point; the bad guy soldiers are injected with special nanomites that render them without fear, or sense of pain.<br />Yet, when one gets chucked down a shaft at one point in the film, he screams like a little girl who just wet themself.<br />Fearless, indeed.<br />Among other issues with the story is the pacing; the main story moves pretty good and brisk, yet badly timed and abrupt flashbacks grind things to a halt in a second.<br />Some other issues I have are probably nitpicking, such as the mouth on Snake Eyes’ mask, which still creeps me out, and the amazing fact that apparently ice sinks.<br />The main villain of the film, first introduced as “The Doctor” is kind of like “Vader Light”, sporting a breathing mask, and somewhat deep evil rasp of a voice, his actual identity is pretty much broadcast from the get go.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP72ZGvQsdSwbIdPSSPBMVr5w7wcdwMQe8r8Z9I9CQSA2Hl7ZVzs08IlqHIp3GgwH202eFKOGVysY676fb1y7OuF1yTOrJzd-zs-u9xtOWxW1uBkdmXaIHlEiOU_1d4s6GZ2IK9DQP7W5V/s1600-h/GIJOE03.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 222px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP72ZGvQsdSwbIdPSSPBMVr5w7wcdwMQe8r8Z9I9CQSA2Hl7ZVzs08IlqHIp3GgwH202eFKOGVysY676fb1y7OuF1yTOrJzd-zs-u9xtOWxW1uBkdmXaIHlEiOU_1d4s6GZ2IK9DQP7W5V/s320/GIJOE03.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5369651827959527058" border="0" /></a><br />Yet another thing that falls amazingly flat; any surprises and twists in the story aren’t surprising at all; they’re kind of a “duh” obviousness, that when the surprise or twist is revealed, it holds almost no weight what so ever, especially to any fans of the original property and cartoon series.<br />As a matter of fact, I found the final twist of the film in the last scene to be such a blatant rip-off of the first X-Men film, that I just rolled my eyes when I suppose I was supposed to be saying aloud: “Oh, no! Really?!”<br />Luckily, the plot isn’t jumbled, it moves pretty swiftly from each point in the film to the next, which is one solid plus I guess to the film’s credit.<br />Unfortunately, I was left feeling so disappointed and with a feeling of apathy towards everything I had just seen, that that credit is sadly moot.<br />And that, I suppose sums up my feelings on the Joes first outing in Hollywood; not angry, not happy, just apathetic.Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-60782925601207715332009-08-13T16:16:00.002-04:002009-08-13T16:25:48.154-04:00Godzilla Returns.....Kind Of<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.tcnj.edu/%7Ereuther2/godzilla.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 403px; height: 478px;" src="http://www.tcnj.edu/%7Ereuther2/godzilla.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Both <a href="http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/17061">Bloody Disgusting</a> and <a href="http://robojapan.blogspot.com/">Monster Island</a> News beat me to the punch on this one; but the news is interesting if not exciting to say the least.<br /><br />Bloody Disgusting got the exclusive that Legendary Pictures is in very, very early talks about bringing back The King Of The Monsters for American audiences, in the form of a reboot.<br />So hopefully chances are we'll see a completely different creature than the Dean Deviln/Roland Emmerich disaster from 1998.<br />I remain cautiously optimistic on this one, even though I suppose hoping it'll take the same loyal approach to the material as Peter Jackson's King Kong did is probably too much to ask.<br />I'll be following this one closely, folks.<br />And lets hope the son of a bitch breaths fucking nuclear fire this time for chrissake!<br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Nuclear fire</span>, dammit.Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-699724961171359912009-08-12T21:57:00.003-04:002009-08-12T22:06:11.474-04:00GI Joe Dominates Box OfficeLooks like Joe has taken the lead at the box office this past weekend, earning $56.2 million.<br />However, sources note a drop off just between Friday and Saturday's numbers.<br />What does this mean?<br />That word of mouth may spread on this film and I wouldn't be surprised to see the real American hero drop a good 40% by this coming weekend.<br />As for what I thought of it, that review will be up Friday.<br />Weekend box office numbers below:<br /><br />1. "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra," $56.2 million.<br /><br />2. "Julie & Julia," $20.1 million.<br /><br />3. "G-Force," $9.8 million.<br /><br />4. "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," $8.9 million.<br /><br />5. "Funny People," $7.9 million.<br /><br />6. "The Ugly Truth," $7 million.<br /><br />7. "A Perfect Getaway," $5.8 million.<br /><br />8. "Aliens in the Attic," $4 million.<br /><br />9. "Orphan," $3.73 million.<br /><br />10. "500 Days of Summer," $3.7 million.Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-72632693693519071392009-08-12T01:42:00.002-04:002009-08-12T01:55:26.305-04:00The Walking Dead!......On AMC?!?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq238/Victoryhimself/WalkingDead16.jpg?t=1250056253"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 427px;" src="http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq238/Victoryhimself/WalkingDead16.jpg?t=1250056253" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />That's right, folks.<br /><a href="http://www.dreadcentral.com/news/32984/frank-darabont-bringing-the-walking-dead-amc">Dread Central</a> is reporting that AMC, of all cable channels is producing a series based on Image Comics "<span style="font-style: italic;">The Walking Dead</span>" a brilliant piece of comic fiction written by Robert Kirkman (<span style="font-style: italic;">Marvel Zombies, Invincible</span>).<br />Details below:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The following comes from Variety in its entirety:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">AMC is venturing into zombie-drama territory with multi-hyphenate Frank Darabont.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Cabler is close to finalizing one of the richest development deals ever with Darabont to write and direct a series adaptation of the Image Comics graphic novel series "The Walking Dead," penned by Robert Kirkman. Gale Anne Hurd of Valhalla Motion Pictures and David Alpert of Circle of Confusion are also on board to exec produce.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Project is set among a group of zombie survivors of an apocalypse who are led by a police officer, Rick Grimes, in search of a safe place to live. Numerous editions of the "Walking Dead" graphic novels have been published since 2003.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Joel Stillerman, AMC's senior veep of programming, production and original content, said the project appealed to the cabler because of "the quality of the storytelling" in Kirkman's work. The series will stay faithful to the tone of the original novels, he said.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">"This is not about zombies popping out of closets," Stillerman said. "This is a story about survival, and the dynamics of what happens when a group is forced to survive under these circumstances. The world (in 'Walking Dead') is portrayed in a smart, sophisticated way."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Stillerman noted that the cabler's annual "Fear Fest" movie showcase around Halloween is one of AMC's most popular programming events of the year. "We've got an audience that loves this kind of material," he said.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Darabont and Hurd pitched the project to AMC and several other outlets. There is no studio attached yet. The duo's involvement made the project a must-have for the cabler, Stillerman said. "These are two world-class filmmakers who are also brilliant storytellers with experience in the fantasy genre," he said.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Right on! Break out the brews, folks! This is cause for much celebration. My only concern is how they're gonna handle the excessive violence, but with Darabont on board I'm sure this issue will be more than addressed in the proper fashion. Stay tuned!</span><br /><br />So the guys at Dread Central seem pretty stoked about this.<br />Me? I'm very, very concerned.<br />Why?<br />AMC; that's we-run-movies-hacked-all-to-hell-AMC.<br />The same cable network that considers <span style="font-style: italic;">Catwoman</span> an American Movie Classic.<br />I don't give a damn about their series Mad Men.<br />This is <span style="font-style: italic;">The Walking Fucking Dead</span>.<br />It's brutal, violent, and somewhat profane in language.<br />Their going to preserve the "tone" of the comic?<br />Puh-leeeez.<br />I sense much shennanigans in the near future regarding this.Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-2811574452972158372009-08-10T23:15:00.007-04:002009-08-10T23:27:23.224-04:00Top 5 Reasons Shatner Should Stay Away From The New Star TrekLately I've seen a lot of message board threads across a few fan boards suggesting ways William Shatner can be shoe-horned into the new Trek universe JJ Abrams & Co. have created.<br />Well, I say screw that noise.<br />Shatner had his run, his Kirk died a sissy death, he's done.<br />To make it clearer, here's my top five reasons to keep him out.<br /><br />5.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">He’s dead already</span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2VGuo0mQJ4VM-E-IdNls8uCRZalieO8P2jxc0Y-hORFozlJ1biZNZ9ilYUdtTQdyESdVtVJVg9Qq8Ih_d1nNdQAfvEZys8Un5UGp8d6bBGAmldgyp4Tlkb-4mU2YDlBrR1BHtK4YzSTJK/s1600-h/kirkdeadgen.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2VGuo0mQJ4VM-E-IdNls8uCRZalieO8P2jxc0Y-hORFozlJ1biZNZ9ilYUdtTQdyESdVtVJVg9Qq8Ih_d1nNdQAfvEZys8Un5UGp8d6bBGAmldgyp4Tlkb-4mU2YDlBrR1BHtK4YzSTJK/s320/kirkdeadgen.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368540684475046002" border="0" /></a><br />He suffered the ultimate railing death. As in flying through the air with not such great ease while he was clinging to it. He was then haphazardly buried by a British man playing a French man under a pile of heavy rocks. You just don’t come back from that. I don’t care what Shatner’s fan fiction novel says.<br /><br /><br />4.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Shatner’s ego</span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFzD2T1ZRG15CxvWxHN68vQiIVklUAwnhz-2zPKIeojoHDE3NsZQjCSqyPaW66lhP-2MbHMfKu8pA1BO8s1IbI7F0chEx5pTBv-MW-N-0fZZHs9BmSilfGSgU64pelAwHI-BEFIgqvFB3b/s1600-h/Needs-More-Shatner.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 203px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFzD2T1ZRG15CxvWxHN68vQiIVklUAwnhz-2zPKIeojoHDE3NsZQjCSqyPaW66lhP-2MbHMfKu8pA1BO8s1IbI7F0chEx5pTBv-MW-N-0fZZHs9BmSilfGSgU64pelAwHI-BEFIgqvFB3b/s320/Needs-More-Shatner.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368540856808421618" border="0" /></a><br />He’s already admitted to not having pictures taken of himself in his home over time, because it apparently reminds him of the aging process; so really, does he want a younger, more handsome Kirk staring him in the face?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />3.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">This is a new Star Trek; a new c</span><a style="font-style: italic;" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDevw0GY2ExSI80GLV3betcYqzq3XUpVP0rGBFVobdVBAR0AFzhQttgx0yVtbuwq_KhRYdIIZjn6UzMq4LUmfbY7f8In8oJhCN7liVLvfQxnY-acoqeSOI5e423EhpcB8R6_6XQi2E4FxT/s1600-h/star-trek-the-new-crew-pic-rex-sm-119862879.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 182px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDevw0GY2ExSI80GLV3betcYqzq3XUpVP0rGBFVobdVBAR0AFzhQttgx0yVtbuwq_KhRYdIIZjn6UzMq4LUmfbY7f8In8oJhCN7liVLvfQxnY-acoqeSOI5e423EhpcB8R6_6XQi2E4FxT/s320/star-trek-the-new-crew-pic-rex-sm-119862879.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368541160354647762" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">rew</span><br />Nimoy was necessary in this latest installment to link to the original; nothing more. Having Shatner return to play “Old Kirk” wouldn’t serve any story I could think of. The only thing it would serve is his ego….and really, that’s big enough already.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />2.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">George Takei will piss and moan over it</span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE651BqjKf9U1GlOxpfcSvfJG46wNeTZ242Yqj2ywRRHyeGVSjWGMc_B8oo6nqibVf5Nz3DoXZb-B6OPK3NnxZMUhMUmkLwsR7Yajs67AjEW1FcW84WyXttlK77LA_oHG3UcRtVF6J3l0p/s1600-h/takei_shatner320.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 260px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE651BqjKf9U1GlOxpfcSvfJG46wNeTZ242Yqj2ywRRHyeGVSjWGMc_B8oo6nqibVf5Nz3DoXZb-B6OPK3NnxZMUhMUmkLwsR7Yajs67AjEW1FcW84WyXttlK77LA_oHG3UcRtVF6J3l0p/s320/takei_shatner320.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368541608370815890" border="0" /></a><br />Really, I’m serious! The little twerp’s taken every other available chance he’s had to take pot shots at Shatner; this would just be more fuel for the “I should’ve had my show with the U.S.S. Excelsior” crap. Yes, George…we know, and I for one don’t care.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />1.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Fanboys wh</span><a style="font-style: italic;" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1_lyV2tCA7RkHs4pp5bsRQSZu34M0A9KgDLnq1W9VNb_bci9-_C_waRP-Wp_n_iao_Fb2N9hDpk7sY2aB8cSqXIsGf_YeWoPIIkKv9saDD9GDU9PB-GobLpJ7UBlxnOBJKM_W68KSgtXe/s1600-h/nerd_rage01.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 237px; height: 391px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1_lyV2tCA7RkHs4pp5bsRQSZu34M0A9KgDLnq1W9VNb_bci9-_C_waRP-Wp_n_iao_Fb2N9hDpk7sY2aB8cSqXIsGf_YeWoPIIkKv9saDD9GDU9PB-GobLpJ7UBlxnOBJKM_W68KSgtXe/s320/nerd_rage01.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368541999928639698" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">o want him in Trek still need to get the hell over it</span><br />I know, not really a reason, but to me, it’s the Shat-Fanboys who just can’t seem to let go that harm the franchise more than help it.<br />And this pretty much goes for any franchise; I mean I think I’ve become convinced that if those Fanboys had their way, Shatner would be playing Kirk well past having to change his colostomy bag.<br />And that’s just wrong people.Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-10719391100145456682009-08-09T23:21:00.009-04:002009-08-09T23:36:24.976-04:00B-Movie Monday: Turkish Star Trek<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJKPZG3e6yBD9usv2rPsNZMLEMoU38wKQpUkMy17ms8CeIpuE8-KPfLk9ERaRlwvnU27EleN4JQIV7EOOxGnhSk8L8NYBzw1409mSCEPtfNHYyJqY5jzrIUde9WpBI5ukEs2wl2XBAL5sw/s1600-h/Turkish_StarTrekposter01.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 215px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJKPZG3e6yBD9usv2rPsNZMLEMoU38wKQpUkMy17ms8CeIpuE8-KPfLk9ERaRlwvnU27EleN4JQIV7EOOxGnhSk8L8NYBzw1409mSCEPtfNHYyJqY5jzrIUde9WpBI5ukEs2wl2XBAL5sw/s320/Turkish_StarTrekposter01.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368171148907396370" border="0" /></a><br />Also known as <span style="font-style: italic;">Turist Ömer Uzay Yolunda</span> literally translated “<span style="font-style: italic;">Omer The Tourist In Star Trek</span>”.<br />What we have here is a vehicle for one of Turkey’s comedians, only placing him in a direct knock off of Trek; more specifically, the original series episode “<span style="font-style: italic;">The Man Trap</span>” involving a shape shifting creature which is basically a salt vampire.<br />I had to watch this over about three times, mostly rewinding constantly, because in a way, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.<br />Mind you, this is no where near as painful and wretched as “<span style="font-style: italic;">The Indian Super</span><span style="font-style: italic;">man</span>” from 1987, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to overlook this film’s issues, either.<br />Omer is kinda like Mr. Bean, only without any charm.<br />A drunken letch of a character, like an old <span style="font-style: italic;">Benny Hill</span> sketch that went horribly, tragically, wrong.<br />The film starts off with opening credits with the original Star Trek theme, which then suddenly turns to beach boogie music.<br />You heard me.<br />We pick up on the starship <span style="font-style: italic;">Enterprise</span>…..and yes…the exterior of the ship is indeed the original <span style="font-style: italic;">Enterprise</span>, because they lifted the special effects for that from the show as well.<br />Cut to the bridge, and we see our main characters; Spock, and McCoy, soon followed by Kirk, whom this version struts onto set like a pimp about to smack his ho.<br />The actor portraying Spock is quite amusing to watch, actually, simply because it looks like he’s trying so hard to be…..”Spocky”, I suppose.<br />Trying to arch the eyebrow constantly, sporting the ears, except they’re twice the size of a normal vulcan’s ears, so it looks more like Sarek and Dumbo The Elephant <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitu4UZ11MfgMbLvxE8fsbqKefuUBijN8LypjR-bJrv-W5u7_lJBtokit7x6YmozuOLsFMmrafel2mQOgTuxwjnPctVm7zGEFDxPYPx6-AjWoHQWUezpHo77IXyR3kSFD2YWOHpXR7XWK3b/s1600-h/Turktrek05.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 260px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitu4UZ11MfgMbLvxE8fsbqKefuUBijN8LypjR-bJrv-W5u7_lJBtokit7x6YmozuOLsFMmrafel2mQOgTuxwjnPctVm7zGEFDxPYPx6-AjWoHQWUezpHo77IXyR3kSFD2YWOHpXR7XWK3b/s320/Turktrek05.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368171372545579810" border="0" /></a>had a kid.<br />Let that thought keep you up at night.<br />Also this Spock sports a yellow shirt instead of the science blue.<br />Why? I have no idea, just one of those things I suppose the producers thought was for the best.<br />So, now he looks like Sarek and Dumbo had a kid, and then genetically combined that child with a large canary carcass.<br />I’m really creeping you out now, aren’t I?<br />Kirk is also not quite himself obviously, sporting an almost-mullet, and possessing a kind of creepy leer when he attempts to smile slightly.<br />Yes, this Kirk has rape face.<br />Dr. McCoy is even more remarkably different than his American counterpart, what with no sign of the doctor’s trademark cantankerous attitude, and grumpiness; this McCoy smiles more often than not, and reminds me more of Andy Kaufman than Deforest Kelly.<br />Uhura is also present, but really doesn’t do anything aside from confirming reports, pretty much, and just standing there.<br />Sulu, Scotty and Chekov are nowhere to be found in this iteration; again, I’m not certain why; perhaps the producers couldn’t procure an asian who would willingly partake in such stupidity, and how do you do a Scottish and Russian accent in Turkish, really?<br />Our heroes arrive at their destination planet, thanks to some wonderfully outdated stock footage that looks like it was stolen from NASA’s vaults.<br />The trio beam down, which in itself is another wonderfully giggle-inducing sight.<br />Both the beaming effects and phaser effects in this film are accomplished by what appears to be the same technology John Madden uses to draw up play by plays for the NFL.<br />For transporting, the actors step into the transporter, which is really just a grey step in front of an equally grey wall, and the image magically goes out of focus, and little white squiggly lines and dots dance about in place of the actors like an old Sesame Street animated short, the camera goes back into focus, and they’re gone!<br />Amazing!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9W6tqIVqktLorD23PpzuJY3S0leEVT_1DMl6wyjAYnDPByhLiyYB59nnFULQp6PeoM-fdYsFnvvkPGfzPlIBk4EnKEHkzqkrygP-jkztYlSIa-sEOGHPJ7oId2Wzqb-dcl119v63smK90/s1600-h/turkey+star+trek+turkish+spok.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 273px; height: 255px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9W6tqIVqktLorD23PpzuJY3S0leEVT_1DMl6wyjAYnDPByhLiyYB59nnFULQp6PeoM-fdYsFnvvkPGfzPlIBk4EnKEHkzqkrygP-jkztYlSIa-sEOGHPJ7oId2Wzqb-dcl119v63smK90/s320/turkey+star+trek+turkish+spok.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368171680073038754" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHnUpQwT5lg63X_P8BOwcKq7TORxHH_eMBuAbRxniqdvB3jT539DKsn3WjMdgytj26oetAgKkT1fy31LRq714ZkFKJA9O2iLfcDsJ_EnhfXxAoZVWxZlbWSv0odZNu6dT0BojjehC1z1Hm/s1600-h/Turktrek03.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 260px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHnUpQwT5lg63X_P8BOwcKq7TORxHH_eMBuAbRxniqdvB3jT539DKsn3WjMdgytj26oetAgKkT1fy31LRq714ZkFKJA9O2iLfcDsJ_EnhfXxAoZVWxZlbWSv0odZNu6dT0BojjehC1z1Hm/s320/Turktrek03.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368173125456314994" border="0" /></a><br />I’m only perhaps ten minutes into this thing, and really wishing for either alcohol, or a support group.<br />The trio arrive on the surface, and from the there the plot follows loosely the same as the original episode that it’s ripping off.<br />They meet with a professor/scientist, McCoy sees his old flame which is of course the Salt Vampire in disguise.<br />That’s another thing; that whole angle of the original story with McCoy is pretty much glossed over in this version, most likely to make room for Omer’s “comedy”.<br />Argh.<br />This professor on the other hand, seems to possess an android that appears to have escaped a ladies’ club, sporting only an animal print pair of BVD’s, and slippers.<br />I can’t make this up, really.<br />The Android no doubt inspired by the episode “<span style="font-style: italic;">What Are Little Girls Made Of?</span>”.<br />Apparently the professor has some sort of device; which is what seems to be what teleports our comedy hero Omer into the Turk Trek world.<br />That’s right; I called it <span style="font-style: italic;">Turk Trek</span>.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9iX9AK7JQqJ_I4c7ia3tlE69Nimz-rjBuSYJKqMhCcmMQLvqByv2tVoDJd9lNq-tL5qhJOQePwQx6RorOI6c9_jPYMoJ6P5qFTbXjQTTqllv7nhrfZ9NnYzaah7Q7viJOZGDg4i5YQpx-/s1600-h/Turktrek01.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 260px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9iX9AK7JQqJ_I4c7ia3tlE69Nimz-rjBuSYJKqMhCcmMQLvqByv2tVoDJd9lNq-tL5qhJOQePwQx6RorOI6c9_jPYMoJ6P5qFTbXjQTTqllv7nhrfZ9NnYzaah7Q7viJOZGDg4i5YQpx-/s320/Turktrek01.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368172445710807522" border="0" /></a><br />From there, the wacky hijinks ensue; because most of the scenes following are set up to showcase Omer’s comedic prowess, such as mucking with the controls on the bridge of the <span style="font-style: italic;">Enterprise</span>, causing the wonderfully classic “Tilt-O-Cam” action, to playing with any other bit of technology that make life for the intrepid crew annoying, at best.<br />Why Kirk didn’t order the bastard blown out an air lock forty minutes into the film, I’ll never know.<br />On the other hand, it’s Omer who makes them all aware of the Salt Vampire in their midst who has by now taken on the form of a slain crewmember and gotten aboard the ship.<br />And by the time they know of the intruder, it’s already taken on the form of Doctor McCoy!<br />Is the doctor dead? Oh, NOES!<br />Sorry, couldn’t help that.<br />So Kirk and Spock, with Omer in tow, return to the planet’s surface to try and get some answers; they’re greeted by one of the most laughable monsters since <span style="font-style: italic;">Robot Monster</span> and <span style="font-style: italic;">The Creeping Terror.</span><br />It pretty much just wanders about with its arms up, making goofy sounds, and what’s really sad is, when it throws a boulder at Kirk, you can tell it slipped out of its hands, and landed next to it, yet they cut to a shot of it narrowly missing Kirk.<br />Talk about lazy editing.<br />Once the monster is dispatched with poorly edited action, with no reason given to why it was even there, our heroes move on, Omer himself encountering the salt vampire in the form of a scantily clad supermodel, whom of course he has no issues getting close to, resulting in odious comic relief so odious I refuse to type it.<br />Things look bleak for Omer, unfortunately until Spock shows up and it changes its form again to that of a past Vulcan lover for him, enthralling him so, that he actually attacks Kirk by her order in a---you guessed it---fight that is pulled from another classic episode, “<span style="font-style: italic;">Amok Time</span>”; weapons and all… that just happened to be laying about for some reason.<br />Unfortunately, the classic fight music is nowhere to be heard, and there is no satisfaction in seeing Spock eviscerate both Kirk and Omer.<br />Ah well, one can dream.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif7GNoJ8cG7MU2HEio107pLiEQH9thKq_oSkxEWCb-vC7xbvlmbNULmb6fKbRdQEIs5j8KbyWUlnY3lip4YxH0BKC33HdgjYR_-unKmsJfQlgCcYi87rl3VEWqU0HoijblSNQ_2PDqSDt7/s1600-h/Turktrek02.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 260px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif7GNoJ8cG7MU2HEio107pLiEQH9thKq_oSkxEWCb-vC7xbvlmbNULmb6fKbRdQEIs5j8KbyWUlnY3lip4YxH0BKC33HdgjYR_-unKmsJfQlgCcYi87rl3VEWqU0HoijblSNQ_2PDqSDt7/s320/Turktrek02.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368172707557311426" border="0" /></a><br />Instead, the monster retreats, and the professor next sends his <span style="font-style: italic;">Rocky Horror</span> reject android after them; when he’s defeated, a whole gang of them show up looking like a Chippendales stage show on the loose.<br />The trio fight valiantly (and by that, I mean, swat at them like little girls) until Omer of course finds some random control panel that just happens to be sitting out in the open which causes the beef-bots to turn on one another.<br />It all comes to a head when the plot follows the same formula as the last minutes of <span style="font-style: italic;">The Man Trap</span>, and McCoy zaps the monster with what looks more like a white out gun than a phaser.<br />Its true form revealed as wha<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnN7ltAUAx0xB12oXEAzgL1tlOrUf7sTfG1MVq1mZ8cFcSLPL-zq8vlMs7DTil2JIZLCy0pOq91HD5OQYK0B_fiw2AvGDwu5i7KqjcoQ-rqyz3pwHYMmkFjRrZaKYfrC3rxLyO8KqGrPtp/s1600-h/Turktrek04.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 260px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnN7ltAUAx0xB12oXEAzgL1tlOrUf7sTfG1MVq1mZ8cFcSLPL-zq8vlMs7DTil2JIZLCy0pOq91HD5OQYK0B_fiw2AvGDwu5i7KqjcoQ-rqyz3pwHYMmkFjRrZaKYfrC3rxLyO8KqGrPtp/s320/Turktrek04.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368173530514647250" border="0" /></a>t looks like a Wookiee from <span style="font-style: italic;">The Star Wars Holiday Special</span> from 1978.<br />Anyone who’s seen that knows it’s not a good thing.<br />Omer is returned to his time and place, remarkably as a Vulcan for no reason; just for that last comedic scene, no doubt; and Kirk and his crew take off into the stars.<br />The End.<br /><br />This film pretty much craps on and tramples the Star Trek franchise, lifting effect shots, music, and stories all just to showcase one of the worst comedic characters I have ever had the misfortune of witnessing, and I just reviewed <span style="font-style: italic;">Mahakaal: The Monster</span> recently, and it’s odious comic relief was pretty damn bad.<br />It’s amazing that no one at Paramount ever did anything about this.<br />On the other hand, who knows?<br />Perhaps they did; I’m tempted to google any films of the Omer character to see just how much longer his career lasted.<br />With luck, it ended with a brutal beating at the hands of Gene Roddenberry.Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384260320299219178.post-70003965931300016172009-08-09T17:05:00.002-04:002009-08-09T17:11:29.180-04:00Robin Hood Goes Post-ApocalypticGarth Franklin of <a href="http://www.darkhorizons.com/news/14843/atlas-plans-post-apocalyptic-robin-hood-">Dark Horizons</a> reports that Atlas Entertainment and Hollywood Gang are planning to produce a post-apocalyptic take on Robin Hood.<br /><br />Well, while this definitely does sound interesting, I'm a shwee concerned at the same time.<br />No title has been attatched to the film yet, and Charles Roven (The Dark Knight) is one of the producers on the project.<br />Let's just hope it doesn't turn into Rocket Robin Hood.<br /><br /><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://www.darkhorizons.com/news/14843/atlas-plans-post-apocalyptic-robin-hood-"></a><br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.darkhorizons.com/news/14843/atlas-plans-post-apocalyptic-robin-hood-"></a>Vincent Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14144465184990890930noreply@blogger.com0