B-Movie Monday: Turkish Star Trek

Also known as Turist Ömer Uzay Yolunda literally translated “Omer The Tourist In Star Trek”.
What we have here is a vehicle for one of Turkey’s comedians, only placing him in a direct knock off of Trek; more specifically, the original series episode “The Man Trap” involving a shape shifting creature which is basically a salt vampire.
I had to watch this over about three times, mostly rewinding constantly, because in a way, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
Mind you, this is no where near as painful and wretched as “The Indian Superman” from 1987, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to overlook this film’s issues, either.
Omer is kinda like Mr. Bean, only without any charm.
A drunken letch of a character, like an old Benny Hill sketch that went horribly, tragically, wrong.
The film starts off with opening credits with the original Star Trek theme, which then suddenly turns to beach boogie music.
You heard me.
We pick up on the starship Enterprise…..and yes…the exterior of the ship is indeed the original Enterprise, because they lifted the special effects for that from the show as well.
Cut to the bridge, and we see our main characters; Spock, and McCoy, soon followed by Kirk, whom this version struts onto set like a pimp about to smack his ho.
The actor portraying Spock is quite amusing to watch, actually, simply because it looks like he’s trying so hard to be…..”Spocky”, I suppose.
Trying to arch the eyebrow constantly, sporting the ears, except they’re twice the size of a normal vulcan’s ears, so it looks more like Sarek and Dumbo The Elephant had a kid.
Let that thought keep you up at night.
Also this Spock sports a yellow shirt instead of the science blue.
Why? I have no idea, just one of those things I suppose the producers thought was for the best.
So, now he looks like Sarek and Dumbo had a kid, and then genetically combined that child with a large canary carcass.
I’m really creeping you out now, aren’t I?
Kirk is also not quite himself obviously, sporting an almost-mullet, and possessing a kind of creepy leer when he attempts to smile slightly.
Yes, this Kirk has rape face.
Dr. McCoy is even more remarkably different than his American counterpart, what with no sign of the doctor’s trademark cantankerous attitude, and grumpiness; this McCoy smiles more often than not, and reminds me more of Andy Kaufman than Deforest Kelly.
Uhura is also present, but really doesn’t do anything aside from confirming reports, pretty much, and just standing there.
Sulu, Scotty and Chekov are nowhere to be found in this iteration; again, I’m not certain why; perhaps the producers couldn’t procure an asian who would willingly partake in such stupidity, and how do you do a Scottish and Russian accent in Turkish, really?
Our heroes arrive at their destination planet, thanks to some wonderfully outdated stock footage that looks like it was stolen from NASA’s vaults.
The trio beam down, which in itself is another wonderfully giggle-inducing sight.
Both the beaming effects and phaser effects in this film are accomplished by what appears to be the same technology John Madden uses to draw up play by plays for the NFL.
For transporting, the actors step into the transporter, which is really just a grey step in front of an equally grey wall, and the image magically goes out of focus, and little white squiggly lines and dots dance about in place of the actors like an old Sesame Street animated short, the camera goes back into focus, and they’re gone!
Amazing!
I’m only perhaps ten minutes into this thing, and really wishing for either alcohol, or a support group.
The trio arrive on the surface, and from the there the plot follows loosely the same as the original episode that it’s ripping off.
They meet with a professor/scientist, McCoy sees his old flame which is of course the Salt Vampire in disguise.
That’s another thing; that whole angle of the original story with McCoy is pretty much glossed over in this version, most likely to make room for Omer’s “comedy”.
Argh.
This professor on the other hand, seems to possess an android that appears to have escaped a ladies’ club, sporting only an animal print pair of BVD’s, and slippers.
I can’t make this up, really.
The Android no doubt inspired by the episode “What Are Little Girls Made Of?”.
Apparently the professor has some sort of device; which is what seems to be what teleports our comedy hero Omer into the Turk Trek world.
That’s right; I called it Turk Trek.
From there, the wacky hijinks ensue; because most of the scenes following are set up to showcase Omer’s comedic prowess, such as mucking with the controls on the bridge of the Enterprise, causing the wonderfully classic “Tilt-O-Cam” action, to playing with any other bit of technology that make life for the intrepid crew annoying, at best.
Why Kirk didn’t order the bastard blown out an air lock forty minutes into the film, I’ll never know.
On the other hand, it’s Omer who makes them all aware of the Salt Vampire in their midst who has by now taken on the form of a slain crewmember and gotten aboard the ship.
And by the time they know of the intruder, it’s already taken on the form of Doctor McCoy!
Is the doctor dead? Oh, NOES!
Sorry, couldn’t help that.
So Kirk and Spock, with Omer in tow, return to the planet’s surface to try and get some answers; they’re greeted by one of the most laughable monsters since Robot Monster and The Creeping Terror.
It pretty much just wanders about with its arms up, making goofy sounds, and what’s really sad is, when it throws a boulder at Kirk, you can tell it slipped out of its hands, and landed next to it, yet they cut to a shot of it narrowly missing Kirk.
Talk about lazy editing.
Once the monster is dispatched with poorly edited action, with no reason given to why it was even there, our heroes move on, Omer himself encountering the salt vampire in the form of a scantily clad supermodel, whom of course he has no issues getting close to, resulting in odious comic relief so odious I refuse to type it.
Things look bleak for Omer, unfortunately until Spock shows up and it changes its form again to that of a past Vulcan lover for him, enthralling him so, that he actually attacks Kirk by her order in a---you guessed it---fight that is pulled from another classic episode, “Amok Time”; weapons and all… that just happened to be laying about for some reason.
Unfortunately, the classic fight music is nowhere to be heard, and there is no satisfaction in seeing Spock eviscerate both Kirk and Omer.
Ah well, one can dream.
Instead, the monster retreats, and the professor next sends his Rocky Horror reject android after them; when he’s defeated, a whole gang of them show up looking like a Chippendales stage show on the loose.
The trio fight valiantly (and by that, I mean, swat at them like little girls) until Omer of course finds some random control panel that just happens to be sitting out in the open which causes the beef-bots to turn on one another.
It all comes to a head when the plot follows the same formula as the last minutes of The Man Trap, and McCoy zaps the monster with what looks more like a white out gun than a phaser.
Its true form revealed as what looks like a Wookiee from The Star Wars Holiday Special from 1978.
Anyone who’s seen that knows it’s not a good thing.
Omer is returned to his time and place, remarkably as a Vulcan for no reason; just for that last comedic scene, no doubt; and Kirk and his crew take off into the stars.
The End.

This film pretty much craps on and tramples the Star Trek franchise, lifting effect shots, music, and stories all just to showcase one of the worst comedic characters I have ever had the misfortune of witnessing, and I just reviewed Mahakaal: The Monster recently, and it’s odious comic relief was pretty damn bad.
It’s amazing that no one at Paramount ever did anything about this.
On the other hand, who knows?
Perhaps they did; I’m tempted to google any films of the Omer character to see just how much longer his career lasted.
With luck, it ended with a brutal beating at the hands of Gene Roddenberry.