X-Men Origins: Wolverine

I originally caught the work print of this, being evil an’ all, but since I’ve been able to see the full film in its entirety, I figured I’d give it a chance.
Silly me.

He’s the best there is at what he does, and what he does isn’t very nice.
Particularly in this film; because what he does isn’t much of anything interesting.
In an effort to squeeze as much out of the character as possible, Fox cobbled together this little piece of cinematic mediocrity.
Never mind that we already pretty much have had three Wolverine films already.
That’s right; don’t let the “X-Men” titles in the previous films fool you; Wolverine was what it was all about in those films, so it only makes sense to pull out another, right?
Unfortunately, no.
Now, granted…this isn’t nearly as silly as X3: The Last Stand, where the writers deemed it appropriate to render the cosmic sun-devouring entity known as the Phoenix Force to nothing more than a mental disorder, and to introduce a whole slew of new mutants only to wipe them off the face of the map, and make Cyclops blow away like a fart in the wind.
No, it doesn’t; but unfortunately it doesn’t really do much of anything else, either.
The film begins with a young James (Lil’ Wolverine! He’s so cute!) as a sickly young lad back in the 1800’s, who’s friend Creed watches over him intently, almost in a creepy way, actually.
His “Father” a doctor, checks in on him lovingly until a commotion is heard downstairs; it turns out to be Creed’s daddy, who of course is a violent drunk.
See where this is going?
Needless to say, shit happens, lil’ James’ dad gets killed, which triggers such anguish and grief in young James, that his mutation kicks in, and little bone claws pop out, leaving the kid screaming in what had to be one of the most unintentionally hilarious shots in the film.
Really, I found myself giggling uncontrollably at how silly this kid looked, when I was supposed to be all “Whoa! That’s Wolverine!”
Needless to say, young James skewers Creed’s dad, only to hear a sudden deathbed confession from the guy stating that he’s James’ real daddy.
Wait, huh?
So now, Creed takes James under his wing as brothers, and they flee into the night, cue an opening credit montage of the duo making their way through history.
Well, mostly war to war, but history nonetheless.
The rest that follows is kind of predictable, really.
They get recruited into a special team led by William Stryker, first introduced in X2, and might I say, played much more convincingly in said film.
And, of course, James eventually decides after watching his brother go “rar!” for the billionth time in their extended lives, decides he wants out, and deserts the team.
And it pretty much goes downhill from there.
Speaking of that, lets cover these guys, or as I like to call them, “The D-Team”.
First up, Wade Wilson, whom most comic fans know as The Merc-With-A-Mouth, Deadpool.
He is anything but in this film; especially what they do to him later.
I repeat, especially what they do to him later.
Then we have Agent Zero.
He shoots real good.
Uh, that’s about it.
Moving on.
Fred Dukes, who just seems really strong and nigh invulnerable; fans should recognize this guy as “The Blob” from the comics, but he doesn’t become that til’ later in the film.
Don’t ask how, it embarrasses me greatly.
Also, we have a teleporting character played by The Black Eyed Peas Wil.I.Am(think I got that right) he teleports, and later in the film accompanies Wolverine for a brief time in his quest.
There’s one other guy, but I can’t even be bothered to mention him, since he really doesn’t matter anyway.
As for other mutant appearances and cameos, we have Gambit, played by Taylor Kitsch.
Now, a lot of fans have been clamoring for this character for quite some time.
And now that they’ve finally introduced him, I find myself sorely disappointed.
First, I know perhaps this is nitpicking, but he doesn’t have the red/black eyes that visually define the character so much.
Second, Taylor couldn’t pick an accent through the entire film.
First it’s almost Cajun….maybe.
Then it’s more southern, then it just disappears completely at some points.
Plus his overall look says “douche bag” more than “sly-heart-stealin’-stud”.
What a waste.
What little surprises are there aren’t anything to really get excited about, unless you really are that devoted to all things Wolverine and X-Men; and trust me, in my opinion, you’d have to be really, really, reeeeaaally devoted for these two little surprises to make you happy with the entire film.
I suppose what was the biggest disappointment with Wolverine was that I just couldn’t care about the character.
You know he’s going to survive, you know where he’s going to end up.
If the writers had put more into his character, not to mention how he affects the lives of those around him in the film, which about 15-20min more of a run time could’ve solved, we may have had a more well rounded story.
As it stands, Wolverine just moves from place to place, situation to situation, stab this guy, slash that truck, wash, rinse, repeat.
What should have been a powerful sub-plot in the film regarding Wolverine’s love interest, became dull, flat and predictable, much like the rest of the film.
Hell, I could have thought of a great twist with the love interest, that would have had fans standing up going “No Way! Really?!?”
And that’s what bothers me.
I’m not paid to write films.
The people who produced this pile of utter mediocrity are.
And what they wrote was slow-mo explosions, and Wolverine going “RRARR!” through most of the film.
On a side note, apparently a “Deadpool” film has been green lit by Fox,; now, from what I understand, Ryan Reynolds, who played the character in Wolverine, is heavily involved with it, stating that he wants it faithful to the source material.
However….he’s also just been signed on to star as Hal Jordan in Warner Bros. “Green Lantern”.
Will he do both?
And if so, will he stay true to his word of respecting the material?
Gods, I hope so; because that would at least be one decent thing to come out of this cinematic mess.